Replaced
by one-hep-cat
Summary: Complete! Driven and intelligent, Relena has planned out how exactly she is going to confess her undying devotion to Heero. What happens when she finds out that another girl has replaced her in his life? Call Dorothy because this is war.
1. Chapter 1

**Replaced**

_Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Gundam Wing! I just play with them for a while… _

_Warnings: Blatant misdirection, humor, and a tad of lighthearted Relena-bashing? _**Don't trust anything!**_ Any more warnings and I'll give away the surprises! Anyway… this is a one-shot that got out of control so… anything is possible right now! And The Grass Skirt is credited to darkrevenge… who has been influencing me far too much lately…-laughs- _

**Chapter 1: **

It is a really nice day out. The sun is shining. A slight breeze filters through the trees. Birds are singing. Romance is in the air-

"_Aaachoo!_"

"Gesundheit."

Or maybe it's just pollen. Regardless, it's spring. The time of new beginnings. Fresh starts. The war ended three and a half years ago. And I am going to finally make Heero Yuy _mine_.

Those who knew about my infatuation with him were astounded that I took so long. But I'd spent that entire time coming up with a valid explanation as to why Heero should be mine. He is logical and reasonable. He would not be swayed by fluttering lashes, shining hair, and a trim waist (though I made sure I kept up with my figure, hair, and general appearance just in case). No. Instead, I exercised the full extent of the reasoning and political doublespeak of which I am capable. By the end, I knew he'd see my way once he heard me out.

The problem now is finding him. When Heero wants to disappear, he does. Fully and completely. Only my highly honed detective skills could ever sniff him out. In the past, that usually took weeks (maybe _months!_) of hard work. Now it takes even longer.

He travels a lot now, Heero. And every time I _think_ I found him, he'd moved on by the time I caught up. He was in the Preventers for a small amount of time, six months maybe. He did some schooling, though I never did find out what for. I _do_ know he blazed through his program within a year and a half and graduated valedictorian of the prestigious university he'd chosen. I swell with pride at that fact. The man who will be at my side for life is as intelligent and hardworking as he is attractive.

Relena Darlian, you certainly know how to pick them!

Anyway… he disappeared shortly after graduating and it took me an entire year to track him down once more. But I've found him. Living in a sleepy, small-to-medium-sized town. Co-owning some business that I still can't figure out.

I walk through the town visibly unescorted but I know my bodyguard is somewhere not too far behind me. It's really quite pretty here. Mountains provide a misty purple background. Grass is starting to turn green, flowers and trees are budding, but small piles of snow still exist in shadowed corners, a reminder that all was dead just weeks before and could, at any moment, freeze over once again. It almost suggests tension under the town's pretty exterior, though everyone seems happy and content outside in this mild weather.

I shiver involuntarily. Danger amidst peace. I can see why Heero likes it here.

My phone rings. Pulling it out of my small handbag, I glance down at it. Stevenson, my bodyguard. Suppressing a sigh, I flip the phone open. "Yes?"

"Everything all right?" he asks in a brusque way. I'm reminded of Heero when he talks…

"Yes, it's fine thank you."

"I'll call back up-"

"No! No, don't." If I can avoid alerting Heero to my presence, that would be best. I don't want him running off again now that I've tracked him down. Again. "I'm fine. There is no danger here. No one even recognizes me."

"If you say so." He sounds skeptical. "They will remain on standby for now."

I roll my eyes in a discreet manner behind my sunglasses. "All right. I'm going now."

He grunts and the line goes dead.

Yes, sometimes I'm forcefully reminded of Heero when I talk to my bodyguard.

I replace my phone and pull out a sheet of neatly folded paper. On it is the direction's to Heero's place of employment- some place called The Grass Skirt. From what I've read it's a bar-and-grill sort of place. Maybe I heard wrong. He wouldn't own a restaurant of any sort. I've seen the rations soldiers call food. I don't even think he can cook! Sometimes I wonder if he even eats…

Ah! Maybe this is a second job. Quick thinking there, Relena. Perhaps Heero's a bouncer. He's perfect for the job- he doesn't look intimidating but he's the fiercest man I know…

I barely manage to refrain from swooning. I feel like I'm fifteen again.

That's when I see it down the street. The Grass Skirt. It's a cute little building, with a thatched roof and a full 'Hawaiian' impression. It's _certainly_ not a place that screams 'we need a bouncer to keep an eye out for brawls'. A dozen or so bamboo tables are set up outside in a small, fenced in patio shaded by huge, leafy palm umbrellas where a few patrons are having their lunches with friends. There is even white beach sand beneath their feet. I must say, I'm impressed as I walk up to the entrance. It has a quaint, relaxed atmosphere, this The Grass Skirt.

I push my way into the restaurant. No bouncer in sight. But the atmosphere inside is just as calm as outside. The small (and I mean _tiny_) building is naturally lit with a skylight and expansive windows. Palm trees cluster in the corners of the room and another surrounded by sand and a small pond settles in the middle of the room, where a couple children (as it is the weekend) stare at and drop in treats for the brightly colored fish swimming inside. There are maybe a max of thirty tables, some similar to the ones outside, others more like a booth. Music, whether Hawaiian or not, filters quietly over the speakers and inspires the mood of an ocean paradise. Every once in a while, the breeze from an unseen open window catches a wind chime and the restaurant is filled with a peaceful tinkling.

There are only a few patrons now, seeking a late lunch, but too soon to start dinner I suppose, so there is a creamy colored sign with casual dark lettering that says 'Please Seat Yourself'. I have to say I'm impressed at how this little restaurant can play with the Hawaiian theme without becoming overly gauche.

I inhale deeply and manage to smile. It's relaxed here… but so intimate as well. I could really stay here all day.

Glancing to my left, I see the host counter. Behind it is a young man reading a surfing magazine… with his feet propped on the counter… wearing a grass skirt…

"Excuse me…"

No response.

I frown deeply. Honestly… is this customer service? "Excuse me!" I repeat, louder this time.

The host- if that's what you could call him- yelps and nearly falls out of his chair. "Ah… yes… Welcome to The Grass Skirt. You may seat yourself." He gestures to the sign I spotted moments earlier. He tries to go back to his magazine but I give him my best put-off look and he stops, brow quirked. As if _I_ were the one behaving rudely.

"I don't wish to dine here right now. I'm actually looking for Heero Yuy. Is he in?"

"Ah… you the reporter?" he asks. Reporter? He doesn't wait for my answer though. "He's off today. Come back tomorrow," he says with an unexpected abruptness.

"Off? _Off?_" I give the host a hard look. "The Heero Yuy _I_ know wouldn't take a day off even on his deathbed!"

He arches a brow at me. Clearly, he is appalled that I'm losing my composure in such a manner. I'll have to admit that even _I_ am… I smooth the front of my blue cotton skirt- trendy yet mature, simple yet sophisticated- and continue in a calmer manner. "Could you please tell him where I might find him-" I spare a glance at his nametag. It too fits with the theme. "Francis?"

He shrugs. "It's against policy to reveal personal information about him or anyone else here," he says, sounding as though he's memorized it. "Besides, I have no idea where you could find him. I'm not his keeper. Now, Ms. Reporter-Chick, unless you're hungry please be on your way. We don't need disturbances here."

I bristle. "Of all the nerve!"

"It's not nerve, lady. It's policy. We run a relaxed joint here. Anyone who isn't-" he shrugs, "-gets kicked out. Menu?" He holds out a quaint little folder that also gives off a beach-like impression

Heero is _far_ from relaxed! He's always on guard; he sleeps with one eye open; he never goes anywhere unarmed… that sort of thing. He's an ex-Gundam pilot for goodness' sake! I suppose that's why he makes a good bouncer…

I glare at Francis. What a smug smile he's giving me! "No, I'll find him myself." No thanks to _him!_ And I whirl on my heel, stalking past Stevenson (who had entered at some point I don't recall). I think I hear the host mutter something like "Good luck with _that_."

That brainless host doesn't know to whom he's talking. _I'm_ the girl who found Heero when he was fighting with my brother in Antarctica. _Me!_ When no one else knew where he was! When no one else even realized he was still alive, let alone dashing around trying to kill my eccentric relative! If _anyone_ can find him, it's me.

I scour the town in search of him, in all the places that he could have possibly ever gone. The grocery store. The nearby gas stations. The library. The local shopping centers, though I can hardly imagine him in a shopping situation such as this. To my frustration, no one seems to know who he is- or if they do, they certainly don't want to help me find him. I scowl, arms folded huffily over my chest as I stalk down towards the aptly named Computer Depot. If Heero has been _anywhere_ in this town, it will be here.

When I enter, I head straight for customer service desk, where a skinny boy with a funny puff of unruly red hair about my age squawks, "How can I help you?"

"I certainly hope you can," I reply, unable to mask my irritation any longer. How difficult is it to give me the location of _one_ man? The war is over! Secrecy is no longer necessary! Besides, it's not like I'm out to hurt him! I stop on that train of thought suddenly. Maybe that's why I can't find him? There are people after him! He _was_ a Gundam pilot, after all. Undoubtedly, there are people seeking revenge against him. I frown worriedly. The poor thing!

"Ma'am?"

Agh! Don't call me ma'am unless I'm on a diplomatic mission! I'm only eighteen and this is simply a mission of the heart. "Ah… yes… I was wondering if you could tell me anything about a man named Heero Yuy?"

"Who?"

"Yuy. Yuy. Heero Yuy. How many of them could possibly live here!?"

"Um… I'm new to the area ma'am," the boy, David, squawks out.

I grimace. There I go losing my composure once again. Stop it, Relena. You'll get yourself into trouble! "I'm sorry," I say with a faint smile. "I've had a trying day. I shouldn't take it out on you."

"Can I ask why you're asking us for customer information, ma'am?" asks a more burly man stepping up behind David.

I take a step back. "So, he has shopped here then?"

"I'm not confirming or denying anything. I'm asking why you're demanding customer information. If you're conducting a police investigation, I need to see your I.D."

"Police? I- Well- Of course not!" I sputter gracelessly. Mentally, I scold myself. Keep it together! Heero wouldn't fall for a girl who lost her head over something this trivial. "I'm simply trying to find a long-lost friend… and future husband."

The older man shrugged. "Sorry, ma'am. I can't help you there. It's against company policy to give out such information."

Again with the policies! "But if I was a credit card company representative, you'd do just that, would you?!"

"Ma'am… perhaps you should leave."

"No!" I trill. "Tell me where he is! I'm tired of being shunted around!"

The man gives me an odd look. "Have you tried the phonebook?"

I'm close to tears- the frustration is getting to me that badly. "Yes! He has an unlisted number!"

"Maybe there is a reason…"

Wrenching my purse around, I stalk off.

I hear a familiar ring tone and, scowling, I pull my phone from the purse. Stevenson again. "What?" I bark. Then I wince. Clearing my throat, I continue. "What is it, Stevenson?"

"Information on what you're planning next, Ms. Darlian?" he asks.

I glance around furtively but, as usual, he's nowhere in sight. "I… just… I don't know. I don't know…" I approach a park as I march aimlessly across the street. Just looking at it calms me down a fraction. Time to sit and recuperate. "I think I'll just sit in the park awhile. Think. Clear my head. I'm snapping at everyone and about to lose my sanity… He's never been this difficult to find before…"

"Hmm…"

I know he thinks this is a silly, teenaged thing to do. Well, unfortunately for him that's exactly what I am. Just a teenaged girl… who happens to hold a diplomatic office. But I'm grateful he doesn't berate me about it. "I'll call you should I figure something out."

"All right." And the line is dead again. I sigh. Stevenson is truly an adept bodyguard, but I would really enjoy someone a pinch more sociable at the moment…

I wander through the park, watching as children race by and play on equipment, adults and teenagers lounge around talking, and a few of the health conscious sort jog with their pets. There is an empty bench by what appears to be a duck pond, so I make my way over. Heero chose a nice place to settle down in. Maybe I wouldn't mind having a family here myself…

_Squelch_.

I groan, knowing that my day just got a little more horrible before I even look down. It's the smell that tells me. But I glance down anyway.

And these sandals were brand _new!_

Making a face, I extract my foot from the pile of fresh, soggy dog droppings and give it a shake in a desperate (and futile) attempt to jiggle it off. Why me? _Why_ me!? I scrape off the droppings as best I can on a patch of clean grass and hobble over to the bench to sit down, think, and sulk.

Scowling in a most unladylike fashion, I pry my sandals off my feet and toss them aside. Relena Darlian does not _do_ defeat, and yet here I am. Heero-less, with shoes covered in dog droppings, completely tired and without another plan.

I sigh and let my gaze take in my surroundings without much interest. A couple of very young children are playing hopscotch in front of the pond while their father takes pictures. A group of teenaged girls are in a group, obviously scouting the boys playing flag football further across the park. A young man with a mop of dark, messy hair reads beneath a giant oak tree.

My heart leaps into my throat and I sit up straighter. "Heero!" I gasp.

He looks up as if he heard me speak. Then he stands, tossing the book aside. He's heading my way! Surely this is fate! … Wait… no… Where is he going? I follow his direction with my eyes.

What in the world!?

There is the figure of a girl heading towards him. A pretty, thin girl with endless legs encased in dark-washed jeans, bright green court shoes, wearing what looks like Heero's old Preventers jacket, with gorgeous, silky hair tied back at the base of her slender neck in a pale blue ribbon. Maybe she's an old lesbian co-worker? Or maybe she's a long-lost sister? I can't see her face so it's possible she's of Asian decent… Yes, that's it exactly. She's his long lost sister.

He grabs her hands and pulls her close and whispers something in her ear. I don't know what he says and I can't tell by her face- I can't see it- but it must have been something terribly wonderful because she pops up on her toes and… they're kissing! And it's not a familial kiss… Not at all…

I feel my heart stop as I watch. Heero pulls her flush against his body. He kisses her how I sometimes fantasized he might kiss me. His fingers curl in that pretty hair to deepen that romantic kiss and that evil, vile, hateful girl encourages him, arms around his neck and everything! When it should be _my_ body and _my_ hair and _my_ lips!

"That _COW!_" I scream in rage.


	2. Chapter 2

**Replaced**

**Chapter 2: **

Birds shriek, scattering away from me in a cloud of fluttering wings, and some of the nearby park-goers stare at me. For a rare moment in my life I don't care. That cow… that evil, stupid, selfish, and undoubtedly _ugly _cow stole Heero from me! She _must_ have tricked him. There is no way he would fall for someone like her- someone clearly uneducated. Someone who survives on looks alone. _If_ that!

Heero would _not_ be swayed by a pretty face, a trim waist, and shining hair! He can't be! He's too smart for that!

They walk off together, with the girl's arm looped through Heero's and I don't understand how he can tolerate her hanging off him like that! She's probably giggling and chatting his ear off and who _knows_ what else! Driving him insane, that's what!

I scowl. He doesn't like that sort of thing and I should know! How many times had he threatened me for trying to get to know him? I've known him for about four years now! I'm the _only_ one who understands him! What does this strange girl, this horrible seducing _beast_ know about him!? _Nothing_, that's what!

Hastily, I flip open my phone and dial Stevenson's number.

"Ms. Darlian?"

"Find out who that girl is!"

"… Excuse me?"

"That girl! That _cow_ currently walking right by you with _my_ Heero!"

"Um… Ms. Darlian-"

"Are you arguing with me?"

"I-"

"Don't you _dare_ say you're arguing with me. I could fire you and have you blackballed from every future employment opportunity you could possibly have until your only option is asking 'Do you want fries with that?' at the local Skippy Burger! Do I make myself clear?" I snap.

"…Yes, Ms. Darlian."

"Good. Find out who she is. Where I can find her. And if I can meet with her alone. Quickly. Please," I add, so as not to forget my manners. Unfortunately for Stevenson, that girl has brought out the worst of me already… Rein in that temper, girl.

"Yes, Ms. Darlian." And the line falls silent.

Smiling triumphantly to myself, I slip the phone back into my purse, staring as Heero wanders further across the park with the evil creature at his side.

You do _not _know with whom you're messing, you cow. I will _not_ let you take advantage of Heero!

Standing, I flip my hair over my shoulder indignantly and, scraping the last of the dog droppings off my shoe, I march from the park. I will find myself a hotel, then perhaps some dinner. And by then, Stevenson should be getting back to me on just _who_ that girl is.

----

The phone rings just as I'm settling into my hotel room. I answer it without a thought. Goodness, my guard is fast. "Stevenson, did you find out who she is?"

"Actually, it's _Catalonia_, and what are you talking about Relena?"

"Ah… Dorothy." My dearest (and strangest) friend. At least she finally stopped calling me 'Miss' Relena.

"Don't sound so thrilled to hear from me," she sniffs primly.

"Oh, I am, Dorothy. I'm just expecting an urgent call. But not so urgent. How are you?" I ask, as protocol dictates.

"Marvelous, thank you. But it sounds as though you are not? Come into another snag on your hunt for Soldier Boy?"

"Actually yes. And it's quite a large, irritating, cow of a snag," I vent, nostrils flaring. I get angry just _thinking_ about her!

Dorothy titters. "And what, pray tell, is a large and irritating cow of a snag? Another girl, judging by your greeting?"

"Yes!" I groan, dropping my head into my free hand. "A slender girl with pretty hair, wearing his clothes, hanging off his arm, making out in public places-"

"Making out?" She sounds skeptical.

"Making out," I affirm.

"Suck-your-tonsils-out-of-your-throat making out?"

"Dorothy!" I gasp, scandalized.

"I'm just confirming what I'm hearing. Your Soldier Boy?"

"_Yes!_" Honestly, why would I make something like this up!?

She makes a lighthearted noise. "I'd like to see that."

"Well _I _don't!" I groan again, pushing my free hand through my hair. "She's brainwashing him. She has to be. There is _no_ way he would do any of that voluntarily! I know it!"

"Mmhmm," she hums in a way that has me wondering whether she thinks I am out of my mind. I frown.

"What do you plan to do about it then?" she finally asks.

I sigh heavily, pushing my suitcase aside with my foot. "I don't know yet…"

"Relena!" Dorothy snaps.

"What?"

"Unless it is your intent to lose your Soldier Boy, you need to come up with a plan to undermine this… cow of a snag." At that she actually titters.

I frown deeply. "Are you _mocking_ me!?"

"No… I'm just dearly amused."

"How fine for you!"

"Yes, how fine for me." I know she's smirking. I can hear it in her tone. "Where are you?"

I blink at the sudden change in conversation. "What? Why?" I can't help but feel a little suspicious.

"I'm going to go out there and help you with this… cow of a snag." She snickers at the comment.

I worry my lip. "Ah… no, Dorothy. That's all right. You don't need to do this." In other words, stay away you're just going to make things worse!

"No, no, Relena. You should not have told me about this if you didn't want my help," she chides, like a mother might to her small and foolish child. "Where can I find you? Or do I have to drag your dear old Pagan into this?"

I glare at the wall, pretending it's her. "Dorothy, that's called blackmail!"

"No, it's called helping a dear, albeit odd, friend win her soldier."

I had forgotten just how tricky this girl could be. Honestly, pulling dear Pagan out of retirement just to find me! The poor man would probably have a heart attack listening to her talk circles around him.

With a defeated sigh, I surrender my location.

"Wonderful. I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning. You'd best have a plan or I'll come up with one for you." And with that, she hangs up.

I flip the phone shut, staring at the hotel-esque ivory and tan striped wall across from me. What have I done?

----

It is now almost midnight and I'm eating a room-service dish of questionable content when Stevenson finally calls.

"It took you this long to find out who she is?" I demand, instead of my usual pleasant greeting.

"Well, yes. Locating this person was rather difficult. The people of this town aren't giving of information of its inhabitants, Ms. Darlian."

Something I had already learned. But him calling to say he had found out some information was a lot better than I had done. _This_ is why I hired him. He knows how to get a job done.

Even if it does take far longer than I prefer.

"Well? What's her connection with Heero?"

"Apparently the two of them own the Hawaiian themed restaurant you visited on Lincoln this afternoon."

"Heero?"

"Yes."

"_Owns_ that cute restaurant?"

"Co-owns, but yes. It's what I was told."

"Well, your source must have been wrong," I reply knowingly. "He doesn't cook. He doesn't even eat. Except maybe soldiers rations. If anything, he's the bouncer." The light of realization suddenly shines on the situation. "And _she's_ the lecherous cow who promised him a job if he'd sleep with her!" That's _it!_ That's how she got her claws into him! "That _horrible _woman!" She will pay! No one can treat another so coldly. Heero is not a whore to be bought!

"Ms. Darlian-"

"Did you set up a time where I can talk with her? Or at least figure out when she will be in the restaurant?"

"Ms. Darlian-"

"It's a yes or no question, Stevenson."

He gives me a sigh. "Yes. In when the restaurant opens at 11:00 am. But Ms. Darlian-"

"That's all, Stevenson. Marvelous work. You deserve the night off. Go have a drink," I offer magnanimously. Then I offer him a good night and pick up the room service menu. I think perhaps I'll order myself a martini to celebrate.

----

I never did get my martini. The hotel management said something about being underage. Honestly! I can run a political body, but I can't have one alcoholic beverage!? After _all_ I've been through!? Regardless, it's now morning and I'm over my lack of celebratory martini. Today is the day I will bring that treacherous cow to justice.

I wake up at just the right time so I won't have dark, unattractive bags under my eyes, but far enough in advance that I can take my time getting ready so I won't appear ruffled. The first point of my attack- make her feel inferior that my looks surpass her own. Mind, I'm not vain in any sense of the word, but as a woman I know that being well kept, well-dressed, powerful, and moderately attractive can be perceived as a threat to any woman alive. Especially where a man is concerned.

I eat a small, gas-free breakfast. I certainly don't want the moment challenged some unexpected flatulence. Carefully, I choose and press my outfit- a white eyelet skirt and a modest green tunic, belted at the waist with a silk green belt- very attractive, if I do say so myself. Then I shower, taking care to wash every nook and cranny of my body, shampooing _and_ conditioning my hair. I dry and straighten my hair, choosing to leave it down. That cow will know that I am _not_ going to be intimidated by her pretty hair! I then apply my make-up, making sure to keep it natural, yet accenting the better features of my face. And finally, I brush my teeth. If all else fails, maybe I can scare her away with a bright and sunny smile. You never know. Psychological scare tactics may turn up useful.

I slip on a pair of white dropping-free sandals and take a quick look at myself in the mirror. I am ready to start the day!

There is a knock at the door and I manage a very undignified squeak. Crossing the room, I peer through the eyehole to see my dear friend Dorothy.

Drat… I forgot she was coming! I intended on showing up at the Grass Skirt right at opening. But I open the door graciously, as I know Dorothy can probably smell me in here anyway. She's odd like that…

"Dorothy!"

"Relena!" And she embraces me as any good friend might. "You look charming. Does this hint that you have a plan?"

I nod. "I'm going to speak with that woman. Find out what her motives are. Encourage her to back down. Diplomatically, if at all possible."

Dorothy sighed heavily. "Relena, Relena, Relena… That is quite possibly the most horrible plan I have ever heard."

I blink. "What do you mean?" I thought it was quite a nice one. Very simple. Easy to execute. Little chance for error… except for the part where she might not back down. But that does not intimidate me.

"You have to make this cow of a snag lose face in front of Soldier Boy. Make her life a general living nightmare. Without, of course, making it seem like you're the one up to it." She says all this with malicious glee. "Oh, _that _would be such fun!" She has a dreamy look on her face.

I grab Dorothy's shoulders. "First things first. We'll try it my way… and if it doesn't work…"

"Then you'll wish you'd gone along with my plan from the start."

"It's quite likely… Let's go. The restaurant opens at 11:00. I wish to catch her as soon as possible. So she doesn't have a chance to slip through my fingers."

"What a marvelous plan, Relena!"

I tilt my head, glancing at her. "I thought you said your plan was better?"

Dorothy shrugs lightly. "What do you want? Honesty or support?"

Shaking my head slightly, I lead the way from the hotel, to The Grass Skirt. I fill her in on what Stevenson told me and how he was definitely wrong. She seemed to agree with me when she saw the building.

"It doesn't seem like a place an ex-Gundam pilot would own. Where are the mobile suit parts?"

We enter the quaint little restaurant and I make a beeline for the host's desk. An older woman sits behind the desk, wearing a grass skirt in a similar manner as Francis from the day before.

"How can I help you?" she asks in a far more pleasant manner than he had.

"Hello. I'd like to speak with today's manager, if that's possible?"

She gives me a curious look. Of course it's curious. She's never seen me before. She probably imagines that I'm here to lodge a complaint. Well, I do have one… for that _cow!_ "Of course dear. Over there." And she points out my target.

I thank her and, seizing Dorothy's arm, I nod in her direction. The she-beast too wears a grass skirt with what looks like a jean skirt underneath, a blue-green shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and those hideous court shoes, in blue this time. Today her hair is tied back with a clashing red ribbon. Honestly, this girl has no sense of color coordination! "There she is."

"Oh, you're right. Her hair is quite lovely," she muses.

I smack her arm.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Destroy her."

That's right. That's why I'm here. No slim, pretty-haired, tackily dressed girl is going to stop me from claiming Heero as my own! Squaring my shoulders, I march over. "Excuse me," I begin in my most diplomatic tone. "I'd like to have a word, if you have a moment."

The girl turns and I gasp in horror. "_You!_"


	3. Chapter 3

**Replaced**

**Chapter 3:**

"Me."

"B-b-b-but… but no!" I stammer stupidly. "How can it be _you!?_"

The girl gives me a weird look. Except she's not a girl at all. She is a he. And despite the few years of separation from any of the pilots, I'd recognize those violet eyes anywhere!

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"_Oh!_ If it isn't Duo Maxwell," Dorothy says in a wry tone, suddenly hovering at my side.

By the look he gives her, I can tell that he doesn't quite like her. She _is _quite a character, I'll give him that.

"Dorothy," he says through straight, white teeth. I can't even intimidate him with a dazzling white smile! Drat!

"This has to be a mistake!" I yelp. A truly _horrible_ mistake! There is no _way _Heero would… just no _way!_

Duo still stares at me as though I've grown an eye in the middle of my forehead. "What's a mistake?"

No. I can't have been wrong. I have just jumped to conclusions here. There is certainly more than _one_ person in the world with that shade, length, and texture of hair. "Where is she?" I hiss, glancing furtively around.

"She who?" He casts a glance around the room before dropping his unsettling violet gaze back on me again. "Listen Relena… I'd love to shoot the breeze all day with you. Really, I would." He doesn't convince me for a second. "But I have a job to do. Mind filling me in on what you're blabbing about? Or can I get back to work?" He sits on the edge of a nearby table and props his foot on a nearby chair. I see that what I thought was a jean skirt under the grass one is actually a pair of jean shorts.

"You own this establishment, don't you?"

"It's a partnership actually." He arches a brow.

"Who is the girl that owns it with you?" I demand.

He gives me a weird look. "Girl? What are you talking about? There is no girl, you idiot. Where'd you get that idea?"

I glare at him. I got that idea from the girl hanging off Heero's arm, thankyouverymuch! "Don't call me an idiot!" He shrugs. "Who owns it with you then?"

"Heero." With his tone of voice, I almost expect him to add 'duh' at the end of his statement, but he doesn't. That is just unsettling.

"You're _wrong!_" I snap, unable to control the shrill in my voice.

That brow of his hikes even higher. "Excuse me?"

I plant my hands on my hips. "Heero does _not_ own a restaurant!"

"Uh… yeah. He does. This one. I thought I made that clear."

Firmly, I shake my head. "No. He can't."

Duo smirks at me. "And… why not?" He looks as though he's very interested in finding out the answer, then laughing heartily at it.

Beside me, Dorothy _does_ laugh. I glare at her. This is _not_ funny! This is not funny at _all!_ This is a horrible nightmare!

"He… he's a _soldier!_ He doesn't cook! He doesn't even eat!" Why do I have to go through my reasons again?!  
He gives me a stern look. "What the hell do you call _me_ then? I was a soldier too. And Heero does too eat. _And_ cook. Very well, in fact."

I snort in a very unladylike way to express my disbelief.

"Anyway," he continues, ignoring my reaction, "you don't have to cook to own a restaurant. I'll have you know I happen to make one mean plate of scrambled eggs and toast. And that's it. Look… it's lunchtime. You're clearly delusional. Hungry? Starving yourself, are you? Haven't you heard only a dog wants a bone? Here. Eat. It's free. _If _you behave." He smirks and hands me a basket with some rolls in it.

Beside me, Dorothy titters again. If she came just to see me make a fool of myself… Either way I'm going to have to have a talk with her…

"But alas," he adds graciously, "you're a disruption to the charming little atmosphere we have going here so I'm going to have to ask you to… you know… piss off." He tilts his head and manages to look as though he's being quite charming.

What a sneaky little _snake!_

"You'd even do that to a paying customer?"

His horrible smirk never fades. "Well, firstly, you're _not_ a paying customer, and second… yes, I'd even do it then. I've done it before. The threat of not returning and blabbing about such 'poor service' to various friends doesn't bother me. Or Heero. If your personality is so horrible we have to throw you out, your friends probably have horrible personalities too and well… we don't want you. Surprisingly, we stay in business this way." He lifts his hand and flicks it in my direction. "Now shoo. You're disrupting the vibe."

Suppressing a squeal of outrage, I whirl on my heel and march from the ridiculous restaurant, slamming the foul breadbasket on the nearest table as I do so. I ignore the scandalized looks the few customers give me.

"You could've handled that more diplomatically," Dorothy points out, easily falling into step beside me outside the restaurant, despite the fact that I'm a little irritated with her.

I fix a glare on her. "I know that! No comments from _you_. You laughed at me!"

"I did," she admits freely.

"How did this happen? How is this even possible?"

Dorothy examines her nails in disinterest. "They're lovers who went into business together. That's the logical explanation."

"Except it is not logical at all!" I explode.

Suddenly, Dorothy rounds on me, looking positively gleeful. I give her a wary glance when she seizes my arm. "Certainly, Relena, you must defeat this 'cow of a snag'."

I groan, wrenching my arm from her grasp. "I'm in no mood for you to point out my mistakes!"

"Well, there is that _too_, but I'm serious. If you reconsider the plan that I mentioned earlier you will see you are armed with accurate information. Now can take a better course of action. You can plan appropriate ways to make him lose face in front of your dear soldier. Take him back from… _him_. My, that feels odd to say, but oddly satisfying…" She looks thoughtful. I want to smack her for it.

"Dorothy…" I grumble.

She waves me off. "Anyway, you must show him that _you _are the obvious catch here!" The sudden gleam in her eyes is positively manic. "It will be a glorious showdown!"

"I don't know-" I begin skeptically.

She silences me with a look. "And I will help you. Come… Let's prepare an assault plan."

I stare at her as she glides by me. Assault plan? That particular phrasing sends a chill down my spine. Just what is Dorothy planning to make me do?

"Wait for me," I squeak, trotting after her. There is no telling _what _she has up her fashionably hemmed sleeve.

----

Off to my right, I catch Stevenson giving me a pointed look. He glances at his watch, Dorothy, then me again. He's been my guard long enough for me to catch his meaning almost instantly. We're taking too long and he's not quite sure what to think about Dorothy. Perhaps he's concerned about my safety. She _does _come off as being _quite _mad.

Sometimes I think she _is_ quite mad.

Anyway, Dorothy dragged me off for an afternoon of shopping in the nearby city. We've been at this for several hours now. I don't know about Stevenson, but I'm starting to get a headache. She won't tell me what she's looking for. However, I think I can guess by the sorts of stores she drags me into: swanky clothing stores, exotic lingerie boutiques (which Stevenson wisely stays out of), and so on.

"Dorothy, can you at least explain to me what we're doing?" I ask as she shoves a lacy green bra into my hands and guides me to the nearest dressing room of the latest lingerie boutique.

"Spicing up your wardrobe, obviously. You can't defeat the Long-haired Wonder in the hair department. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but his surpasses yours for miles. Or eyes for that matter. Yours are quite pretty, but what can surpass that charming shade of violet?"

I make an offended noise as she snaps the curtain shut.

"So obviously, the first part of the attack is visual," her voice continues on the other side of the curtain. "You must look your best in other ways. And when you look your best you will _feel_ your best. That will take you to stage two. And besides, did you see how he dressed? That boy couldn't make a proper outfit if his life depended on it."

"I'm not so sure Heero will care much about whether I'm dressed better than Duo. I'm a girl and a political figure. I'd like to think I'd surpass most male fashion sense by that alone," I point out, tossing my own bra aside and trying on this new one. "If you haven't noticed, I don't think that's made a difference with Heero before. Why would it now?"

"Never underestimate the power of a push-up bra." She says sternly. Then she yanks the curtain aside and waltzes right in, giving me an appraising look. I feel like a choice cut of meat at market.

"This will not do." She sounds thoroughly disappointed. "You're _not_ eighty years old, for heaven's sake. Don't let them sag like that!" Reaching out, she seizes the bra straps, giving the bra a mighty heft.

I yelp, scandalized. "Dorothy!"

"God gifted you with a charming bosom, my dear friend. It's about time you started showing it off," she says, adjusting the straps.

"Yes but-"

"Do you want to win over Soldier Boy?"

"Yes but-"

"Then it's time you started showing him just what the difference is between you and the Long-haired Wonder."

"Yes but-"

"And that means you have breasts and he doesn't. Unless he gains a couple hundred pounds." With a light titter, she finishes adjusting the bra. "No buts, Relena." She gives my shoulder a light pat and turns me to face the mirror. "See? There is already a difference. Green is a good color for you. And the lace is a nice touch. As any femme fatale can attest to, it's that if a girl feels glamorous underneath, then she'll feel glamorous regardless of what she's wearing on the outside."

I stare at the reflection in the mirror: far more cleavage than I _ever_ chose to display and Dorothy looking smugly satisfied over my shoulder. "I look like a cheap harlot!" I complain.

"No. An expensive one. This bra is $84.99. On sale."

Oh, as though that makes it _so_ much better!

"There is a matching pair of panties on sale as well. What size do you wear?"

"Dorothy!"


	4. Chapter 4

Replaced

**Chapter 4:**

Dorothy wouldn't call it a day until I'd purchased over $500 in clothes, undergarments, perfumes, and other modes of pampering myself. When I complained about the expense and how I have perfectly decent clothing, thank you, she retorted, "What you own is good and well for a diplomat or for a nineteen year old girl-"

"I _am _a diplomat! I _am_ nineteen!"

She waved her hand at me. "However, it's not good enough for a smoldering temptress. We must up the ante through sex appeal. The Long-haired Wonder possesses it in spades-"

"Dorothy!"

"I'm only stating scientific fact, dear Relena. True, he can't dress well to save his life but that hair and those eyes, along with skin that looks marvelous in _any_ color… I told you before that you're quite pretty in your own right, but, visually, you have a lot of ground to cover if you want to catch up and, hopefully, surpass him."

If you were to ask me at that moment it sounded as though she had a crush on him!

"Now," she continued, passing me a slinky dress with a mod print, "if we are to assume Soldier Boy is gay-"

"He _can't_ be!"

"Don't be so certain of that. You'll lose before you even begin to play the game. Obviously if he was trying to swallow Wonder Boy whole in the park, we can assume he's at least _partly_ gay. But don't worry, Relena! With me as your strategist, you'll turn Soldier Boy's head- and other more delectable body parts- in no time."

"_Dorothy!_"

With the way her eyes gleamed when she said that, I wish I had realized what sort of trouble she would get me in later that day. Foolishly, I did not.

Now I sit across the table with, whom else, but Duo Maxwell. It's dinnertime and the two of us are sort of dining at a small café. I say sort of because instead of eating, I'm tearing the complimentary rolls into tiny inedible bits. It's apparent from the tension crackling between us that neither of us is happy to be here. However, Dorothy _insisted_ that I had to meet with him and offer the idea of a truce- all the while actually gleaning damning information from his words and actions that I could use to destroy him in this war over Heero. Dorothy's words, not mine. This is all part of her plan, apparently. I truly wish she would tell me everything she has in mind before shoving me to the wolves- in this case, one Duo Maxwell.

I watch as Duo takes his hundredth sip of water in the past ten minutes. Clearly, it's a sign of his discomfort because I have doubts he is actually _that _thirsty. His brow twitches oddly, as though he's forcing himself to be amicable. I'm pleased that he _is _uncomfortable with me- something _must_ be working- but to be frank, I'd almost rather he was rude and uncouth. It would disperse this awkwardness between us. I'd prefer just yelling at him at the moment. However I don't. I remain urbane and unflappable.

"So how are things going?" I ask politely. It is an innocent question. One anyone would ask to a friend or an acquaintance.

"With…?"

Clearly, he's not one for giving up information in the guise of small talk. Must he to be so stubborn? He ought to just give me the information I seek so we can end this silly charade!

"With life and this business you and Heero own, of course." Which I hope he understands as 'what are you doing to poor Heero and how do I get you to stop?' I smile demurely.

I _still_ refuse to believe Heero would own a restaurant out of his own free will.

He offers me a skeptical look. I don't blame him. I'm not good at this sort of thing. I would rather be straightforward and demand what information I want from him. My desire for honesty is a surprising trait for an aspiring politician, I've been told. Unfortunately, I know he would never tell me. He's not stupid. Yet how I wish he was!

"Life is great. The business is great."

That's it?

"Oh?" I reply in a noncommittal way, hoping it will prompt further information from him.

He arches a brow over the brim of his glass. "Oh what?"

Dorothy was right. His eyes truly _are _unusual. I think I hate him for this. Luckily, she's also right in the fact he can't dress well. He wears ratty jeans and a faded red t-shirt paired those hideous bright blue shoes I saw him sporting earlier in The Grass Skirt.

I frown. "I'm simply trying to strike up a pleasant conversation. Is that such a crime?"

"Look. 'Lena-"

"It's _Re_lena," I correct him.

He waves me off as if I said something stupid. "Whatever. Why are we here? You and I, we don't have a friendship going on. I don't believe we've ever even liked each other. This is ridiculous."

"I'm simply trying to understand you." Moreover, I'm trying to understand how you stole Heero and warped his mind so horribly that he'd choose _you _over me! "You're… close to Heero and-"

He snorts. "No, more than close, 'Lena." Then he gives me a salacious wink. "We're more like _this_." He twines his index and middle fingers around each other.

His response makes me queasy, so I try my best to ignore his comment. Besides, he's doing this on purpose, the vile… hateful… horrible man! Wait! He's not even a man! He hasn't outgrown his ridiculous immaturity! He's nothing but a silly boy! A _boy!_ Internally, I scream in frustration. Externally, I paste on my gentlest smile. "Well I consider Heero a dear friend. I hate being at odds with … the _important_ people in his life." Oh how it pains me to say that!

"That's bullshit."

I gasp, appalled that he would talk to me in such a manner. "Honestly, I'm only trying-"

"Don't tell me what you're trying, 'Lena-"

"_RE_lena!"

"I can already guess. Heero and I are fine. Great, in fact. Fucking great if you get my meaning."

I most certainly wish I didn't.

"And hey, I'll even say we are friends if it will make you feel better. So now that you've got what you came for you can leave this town and get back to your politicking, okay?"

I frown at him. Got what I came for indeed! "This isn't going to be so easy just because you want it to be."

He huffs and looks away. Is he five?! "Damn."

I sigh quietly. "Duo, what do you have against me? If you have such a problem with me, why did you agree to meet me for dinner?"

Finally, he looks at me, giving me a long, unnerving stare. "All right… I'll be straight with you. I'm trying to figure out your agenda."

"Agenda?"

He makes an exasperated noise as if I'm being stupid on purpose. "Agenda. Agenda. Hidden agenda-"

"I'm not an idiot! Stop treating me as such!"

"Oh look, it's our food." He is right, of course. The waiter appears, depositing our food onto the table. Duo digs into his greasy burger with abandon. I force back a grimace, piecing my own, less greasy sandwich apart before eating.

That's how he is the rest of the evening, evasive and tricky as a fox as if he knows exactly what it is I'm looking for.

Though it's still early, I immediately return to my hotel room after that brief, futile dinner with Duo. I am not surprised to see Dorothy watching some crime scene investigators program, painting her nails on the floor in front of the bed as if she owns the place.

"If you are going to stay through the night, you are going to help foot the bill."

"Of course. How was it?" she asks without a whole lot of curiosity or concern. She doesn't even look up from her nails. Of all the nerve! This was all _her_ idea, too!

"Uninformative," I mutter, toeing my sandals off and kicking them into the corner. "All I found out was that he and Heero are _this_ close." I cross my fingers as he had. "And that their life and restaurant are 'just great'." I make a sour face. "I think he avoided answering me directly on purpose."

I shift my bra awkwardly. At Dorothy's insistence I wore the dreaded pushup bra. It is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever had to wear, yet she told me that even super cleavage would help in the long run when it came to undermining the foul-playing, soldier-snatching bastard. Again, those are her words, not mine.

"Well, I didn't expect much success," she admits freely, blowing on her blood red nails.

I groan as I sit on the edge of my bed. "Then why did you feed me to that lion?"

"Because you never know. Did the bra work at all? How did he behave during the dinner? Don't leave out even the slightest of details."

"No, the bra didn't work. Or I'm fairly certain it didn't." I flop back onto the striped comforter and fill her in on what I could remember of the dinner. She grills me better than any interrogator could. What was said? What did he wear? Did he seem nervous? Just how many times did he drink his water? Et cetera.

"Overall… he seemed as though he'd rather have me far, far away from him and Heero which I only slightly understand. I think he might have been aware of what I felt for Heero during the war. But that was four years ago. How can he ascertain that I feel the same?"

"You do," Dorothy points out.

I glance at her and frown. "That's not the point. He can't possibly assume that it is still that way."

"Well, he _was _a Gundam pilot. They are surprisingly sharp."

Casting a stern look in her direction, I shrug. "Well, we were never actual enemies. We were barely acquaintances. Why does he behave like this now?"

For a long moment, Dorothy examines her nails and I begin to think she's not going to respond at all. In many ways, she's as tricky as Duo. Then she gives me a sudden shrewd look. "I have it."

"You have what?"

"I know exactly what is needed."

"What? _What?_"

"Jealousy is the key."

Sitting up, I shake my head. "Stop being so evasive, Dorothy! What are you talking about? He has nothing to be jealous of." I fling my hands into the air, my frustration magnified once again. "Heero will barely give me the time of day." It doesn't stop me from _wishing_ he would.

"Yet."

"Yet?"

She affirms this with a nod. "Yet." Her eyes gleam with excitement. "When we are done here, Soldier Boy won't know which end goes in-"

"Dorothy!" I yelp, scandalized by her innuendo.

"-and Wonder Boy will be absolutely _green_ with jealousy," she continues, as if I said nothing. "I would call him the Jealous Green Giant, though he's not very tall, is he? Perhaps the Jealous Green Shrimp is more fitting?"

I arch my brow, suspicious. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. "Just what do you have planned now, Dorothy?"

Her only response is a shrill laugh that sounds suspiciously like a cackle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Replaced**

_AN: At long last! I didn't think I'd ever get this chapter out! As I explained in the latest chapter in Unstable, I have been sick for about three weeks now and I have (or had until this point) severe writer's block! Anyway, enjoy!_

**Chapter 5:**

"I've thought of it all night and I've decided that we must abandon The Original Plan as it stands from here on out. There is now a New Plan."

This is the first thing I hear after I slap the alarm clock silent. I sit up drunkenly and stare around until my sleep-fogged eyes make out the shape of Dorothy, dressed and ready for the day, sitting cross-legged at the desk across from me. "New plan?" I repeat stupidly, smothering a yawn.

"Yes." She flexes her fingers and folds them over her knee. "Go on. Get up. Get ready for the day. Here. I took the liberty of charging your tab with room service. Breakfast awaits you." She smugly gestures to a silver dome across from her.

What liberty she takes, indeed!

"I'll regale you with details while you eat."

I'm annoyed with her but I'm too tired to put up a fight. Instead, I stumble out of bed and pull up a chair next to her, lifting the silver dome to see an unappetizing slab of ham, scrambled eggs, and slightly soggy toast.

"Now, I've analyzed what you told me yesterday and I've come to the conclusion that very little will unnerve this cow of a snag we have on our hands." She titters wickedly.

I muster a weak attempt to glare in her general direction. It doesn't quite work though. "Please _don't_ remind me."

"Oh, but it is necessary."

Now I actually _do_ glare at her.

She, however, is unperturbed. With a toss of her head, she plows on. "Since he is _so_ unflappable, I figure it will be difficult to make him jealous. He seems to be quite aware of just where Soldier Boy's affections lie at this point in time and I'm sorry but they're not with you."

"Dorothy!" I shrill, stabbing my fork vehemently in the ham.

"I'm just pointing out the facts, Relena. You have to admit the truth before you can set to defeating it."

Tell me again why she is my friend?

"However… _I'm_ not so certain that Solider Boy is."

I give her a skeptical look. "Is what?"

"Unflappable."

I shake my head. "Clearly, Dorothy, you know nothing about Heero. He is as unflappable as… as a _rock_. _Nothing_ gets under his skin. I've never seen him smile _or _frown. I've not seen much other expression either, except perhaps the desire to kill."

"And one wonders why you pursue him…" she muses thoughtfully.

I frown. She is truly not funny. She is not funny at all! "I'm sure that desire is gone by _now!_"

"Anyway, I must disagree with you, Relena, though you make a fascinating and well-thought out point." I get the impression she is mocking me. She taps the table with one finger. "You've mentioned before how he went in search of Marshall Noventa's family seeking verdict for his actions when he killed the man. Guilt. He's obviously dating the Long-Haired Wonder. Love. Or lust, if you still don't believe it could possibly be otherwise. I'm sure there is jealousy behind that stone façade of his. And with how emotionally inept you paint him, it will be fairly easy making him jealous, I'd wager."

Still, I'm unconvinced. "You want to make _Heero_ jealous now?"

"If you just take a moment to dwell on it and hear me out, you'll realize it's the wiser move to make."

"But… _how?_"

Dorothy gives me the most horrible of wicked smiles. "How indeed?"

Oh why do I feel as though I've just signed away my soul to the devil?

-----

Self consciously, I adjust my blouse for what feels like the hundredth time. It's one of the many things Dorothy picked out for me on our shopping spree. It's a silky black low-cut thing adorned with a light touch of black lace, tasteful enough that I'm not _too_ horrified that I'm being forced to wear it, but subsequently lacking enough fabric that it shows off just the right amount of my "assets". That is Dorothy's choice of phrasing, not mine. Thank goodness I managed to get by with a simple pair of blue jeans. I was worried for a moment that she'd make me borrow her black micro miniskirt to go along with it. _She_ may be comfortable dressing like this, but _I_ am not.

The butterflies in my stomach seem to have joined an acrobatic troupe, for all they are leaping and rolling. I don't know if they are there because of what is about to happen or the fact that the plan is just bound to fail.

She told me that the first goal was to make Heero jealous. By making Heero jealous, Duo might possibly retaliate with his own jealousy just for the sake of retaliation. When I asked why, she said that it was just something lovers did. I didn't believe her and she laughed, saying of course _I_ wouldn't know anything about it. When I understood just what she was saying about me, I was so very close to throwing my pacifistic beliefs out the window just so I could slap her hard.

Anyway, so step one of goal one was for me to contact Heero. How she managed to get his number when even my dear guard couldn't is beyond me. I am still hesitant to inquire further. So I called him and, using a script that Dorothy all but wrote out for me, explained that I was in town for a while on vacation, but my dear friend had gone missing without a word to me and I was terribly bored. Wouldn't he like to meet and catch up on old times, friend to friend? The trick, Dorothy said, was to not let him get a word in edgewise, which wasn't hard because I was so nervous I rambled far too much, and Heero isn't much of a talker to begin with. To my great surprise, he said yes.

That brings me to the present, where I am currently waiting for Heero to pick me up. Heero… picking _me_ up… It would be a dream come true if only I wasn't so nervous about this idea of Dorothy's.

There is a knock on my door. Biting back a startled yelp, I tug on my shirt once again and hasten to open the door. There he is, in all his ex-Gundam pilot glory. He looks resplendent in medium blue jeans and a blue-violet long-sleeved shirt, with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. The neck dips down in a small 'v', giving a glimpse of his clavicle and the color simply sets of his eyes so they seem to glow. I nearly swoon right there. His dark hair is as untamed as ever and his face just as austere. I swear my heart skips several beats as I stare. I blink suddenly and shake my head, managing a nervous smile.

"Heero! How wonderful it is to see you after so long!" I open my arms and move to embrace him. Surprisingly, he lets me, though he only returns with a single, awkward pat on my back. How I wish he would hold me as I spied him holding onto that wicked sneak-thief Duo in the park. At this point though, I'll take what I can get.

"Relena," he says with a nod when I release him.

I can't help but smile radiantly. It really _is_ wonderful to see him. Grabbing my purse from the nearby desk, I loop my arm with his and close the door behind us. Stevenson glances at me from the corner of the hallway but I carefully shoo him away. He can have the night off. I am with Heero, after all. The only way I could be safer would be if I locked myself in a lost bunker hidden underground.

We get into his car, which is a sporty, if nondescript, black two-door sort of car I know little about, and I direct him to part two of goal one in Dorothy's New Plan. The location is in the nearby city we had our little shopping spree in not too long ago.

"Magyk?" Heero murmurs some twenty minutes later as he pulls through the gate of a crowded parking lot to a somewhat misshapen building about two stories high, with the world Magyk written in fast, cool lettering over the entrance. According to Dorothy, it's the sexiest nightclub in the area. Again, that is her choice of words, not mine. I don't really know how she knows all she knows. Again, I find myself too afraid to ask.

We both climb out of the car and head towards the front door. A group of people exit the building in a billowing cloud of cool fog as we approach and I hear loud pulses of hip hop music.

Like a gentleman, Heero holds the door open for me and I slip in, nearly deafened by the sound that suddenly assaults my ears. Bass pulses through my very core, as if trying to force my heartbeat to follow the music instead of its own natural rhythm. A shirtless man, slightly damp with sweat, carrying a tray of beers, squeezes by me and I fan my throat, trying not to stare. Oh my, what sort of place did Dorothy set me up?

"Duo's always wanted me to come here with him," Heero shouts over the music as we make our way to pay the cover charge.

"Oh?" I shout back, feeling both upset and victorious at once. Upset, because he mentioned Duo with such a soft look on his face, and victorious because _I_ managed to get Heero here where Duo could not. Even if I'm not quite sure what sort of place 'here' is yet. He moves forward, handing his ID to the woman we approach first. With a nod, she hands it back and I am next. I hand over my own identification and I expect her to return it in the same fashion. However, she does not. Pulling out a little gray box, she files it away and motions for my hands. Bewildered, I watch as she draws black 'x' marks on each before ushering me on.

"What's this?" I shout in Heero's ear as we pay and the clerk straps a neon green band around his wrist, and a bright orange one around mine.

"You're underage," he shouts back as we walk into the club.

So is he! It takes me a moment to realize he must have given the woman a false ID. Heero, you're so bad! I bite back a smile. I suppose some habits are hard to break. Reaching out, I latch on to his hand as we wend our way through throngs of people. Men dance with men, women dance with women, bodies of all shapes and sizes grind against each other in a lurid dance. Over the speaker I think I hear something about a drag-show, at 11:00 and inquires to the number of heterosexuals on the dance floor. So… this is a gay bar? Despite the number of straight couples I see, I don't know what Dorothy expects to happen when _clearly_ this bar supports Duo and Heero over myself and Heero.

I see him first. Duo stands before the bar, in a dark green t-shirt and blue jeans with his horribly perfect hair in a yellow ribbon, leaning over it on the tips of his toes to shout something into the bartender's ear. Not far behind him, I spot Dorothy. She's not too hard to notice. White blond hair piled on top of her head, clad in a slinky silvery minidress that shows off every curve until it flairs out just below her hips, and lots of black eyeliner, she looks like some wicked vampiress. She gives me a subtle smirk and makes an even subtler motion with her head for me to make my move.

"How about we get something to drink?" I suggest to Heero right on cue as one song fades and blends into another. He shrugs and the two of us head over to the bar. Right about then, Dorothy slides up behind Duo, with her hands on his hips, pushing her hands forward and around. One hand slides up his shirt and the other…

Oh dear God I can't watch any more. Dorothy, you horrible, horrible girl!

Heero, who was slightly in front of me and to my right, stops so suddenly I crash into his shoulder. "… Duo?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Replaced**

_AN: At doubly long last! Well, I'd give much credit to my 'ghostwriter' for a couple ideas and decision-making assistance for this particular chapter, along with reading it and suffering my questions, but said ghostwriter wanted to remain anonymous last time I checked (but hey, ghostie, if you don't mind…the praise is all yours!) Oh yeah. And don't kill me. -meep!-  
_

**Chapter 6:**

Duo sharply turns from the bar, pulling Dorothy's hands off him. "Heero!"

Is it just me, or does his voice pitch to a guilty squeak? If having Dorothy all over him didn't look suspicious, _that_ certainly does. Beside him, Dorothy is smug with satisfaction, as a cat that ate the family canary might look. All I can do is watch as the scene unfolds further. I don't really know how this makes _me_ feel.

"What's going on here?" Heero asks in a voice so controlled it sends a chill down my spine. His tone is worse than the time he threatened to kill me after I invited him to my birthday. His expression is just as stormy. I'm impressed that Duo doesn't just run away. I certainly back up a couple steps.

Instead, he eyes Heero from head to foot and folds his arms defensively over his chest. Then he spots me and his eyes narrow to mere slits. I refuse to shudder in concern for my own life, though the cold look certainly entices me to do so.

"What's _she_ doing here?" he asks, with fervent contempt.

Well _excuse_ me for my existence! Honestly!

From Dorothy's look of increased smugness, this seems to be the reaction she was expecting when she set up this charade.

Heero growls dangerously, and loudly, as I can hear him over the music. I give him a frown. The way he sounds, he's going to murder someone- probably Duo, considering how he glares at him. I give Dorothy a pained look. All I wanted was a _chance_ with him, not someone dead on my hands! However, he proves me wrong when he whirls on his heel and stalks away, elbowing his way through throngs of people as he goes.

I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

Dorothy gives me a subtle 'go after him' look. With a nod, I move to do just that. Duo crosses my path, though, and shoves me aside with a crude 'get out of the way, you stupid cow!' His own face is positively livid as he storms his own warpath after Heero.

I stare after him, agape. Did he just call me-

Behind me, Dorothy snickers. "So the Cow of a Snag can bite, can he?"

"Oh shut up, Dorothy!" I snap. I can see the cruel irony quite clearly without her help, thank you!

With a determined huff, I set to follow them. A hand grabbing my arm stops me mid-stride. I glance back and Dorothy shakes her head, smirking.

"Not yet. This is the part of the plan where we let things stew for a few minutes."

I give her a skeptical look. "That can't be right. Just a minute ago, you were telling me to follow Heero."

She shakes her head with a dramatic sigh. "Relena, Relena, Re_lena_." I frown. "Any good strategist plans for variations. People aren't _complete _drones. Every once in a while, they act in a way you don't anticipate initially. I made sure I covered all conceivable bases. _Trust _me. Things will… work out in the end," she says loftily.

I'm not so sure. Dorothy may be a first class strategist, but sometimes she plays at a lot more than what she'll show me. Feeling lost and confused, I sit at the bar, ordering myself a sparkling water. Dorothy orders something alcoholic, which I envy as I immediately notice her hands aren't marked, the tell-all that she's underage. If I were a bit less righteous, I would ask where she got her fake identification so I could garner myself a set for times like this.

"Well… what about…"

She quirks a brow and prompts me to continue.

"What if they… make up? After a bit of careful deduction, they'd surely realize they were set up. I mean, Heero's not expressed much love for me in the past and there is no reason in the world at _all _for Duo to be with you."

"_Exactly_."

I utter a stupid sounding "huh?"

"It's all part of the plan, dear Relena." She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smirks over her drink. "They are positively livid with each other. There won't be any careful deduction. See, we have the power of the unexpected on our side. If they have no reason to be around us, _why _are they in the first place? That plants the seeds of doubt. Don't forget the manner of which you found Duo and me when you arrived." She smiles with relish.

"If you paid attention to their expressions, both of them are quite hotheaded. Yes, even Soldier Boy," she adds when I open my mouth to protest. "Hotheaded and stubborn. Neither will admit he was wrong. Add the blaze of jealousy within them and they will fight like rabid dogs."

"What if they _don't,_ though?"

"Trust me. They will." She glances at the delicate watch strapped around her wrist. "And I think it's time we see what they are up to, hmm?"

"You know… This whole thing brings up another good question," I say as we wend through the crowd towards the exit. It's really sad that I am a key component to this plan and yet I know nothing about it. Belatedly, I try to remember why I'm a part of it in the first place. "How did you get Duo here in the first place?"

She grins devilishly over her shoulder. "Would you really like to know?"

On second thought… no.

The sound of heated shouting precedes us as we exit the nightclub. The sight we happen upon is not much better. They both look sweaty despite the slight chill in the air. Their anger makes the two of them look positively murderous.

"You know what, Yuy? You know what- _Fuck you!_" Duo yells. "No wait, you'd _enjoy_ that too much!"

"What's _that _supposed to mean?! I'm not the one-"

"_Ohhh_ no. Don't you start that again. Don't you _dare_ start that again!"

"Guys?" I interrupt tremulously.

"_What?!_" they scream in unison.

"Go away, you stupid bitch!" Duo snaps.

"Hey! This has nothing to do with her!" Heero snarls.

I stare at him. I'm simultaneously flattered and afraid that he leapt to my defense. What would he do if he knew that I _did_ have something to do with it?

He stares at him, aghast. "Oh _fuck_ this, I'm leaving," he growls, stalking past me, slamming his shoulder into mine as he does. Briefly, I feel as though I'm in some cheap high school romantic comedy.

"Finally, you have a good idea!" Heero is glowering at him as he stomps off.

Duo flips the lot of us off as he disappears into the night.

I glance at Heero, hesitant to make any sudden movement that might startle him into snapping my neck. That was _not_ a pleasant scene to witness. "Um…"

"Come on, I want to leave." He seizes my arm in an iron grip and drags me towards his car.

I throw worried look over my shoulder, but Dorothy is simply smug as she waves me on. I am suddenly not so certain about this. As much as I adore Heero, the fact that he seems so very capable of murder at the moment has me… well… concerned, to say the least. I find myself wishing I had brought Stevenson along.

However, my concerns are quelled a bit as he releases my arm and opens the door for me as a gentleman should upon reaching his car. I know he does it only out of routine and not for any concern for niceties towards me, but I appreciate it just the same. It means he isn't _completely_ gone. I work some feeling back into my arm and slide into the seat. He takes the driver's seat, naturally, and slams the door. Surprisingly, the window doesn't shatter from the force.

If he were anyone else, he'd probably be muttering obscenities under his breath right. I buckle my seat belt, wondering if he's the type to drive recklessly when he's mad. I'm pretty sure the screaming tires I heard on our trek across the parking lot had been Duo's. Again, I didn't need to worry. He pulls out of the parking spot with ease, and we drive off in a safe, normal fashion.

The drive was silent. Every once in a while, I glance at Heero from the corner of my eye. His jaw works as if he is trying to crack his teeth by the force of his own clenching jaw. I'm convinced he could do it.

"Do you… need to talk about it, Heero?" I ask after about ten minutes of tense, uncomfortable, _angry _silence.

"No," is his very short reply.

That is that, I suppose. I roll my lips together and face forward.

"That stupid, fucking bastard…" he mutters. His knuckles are white, even under the orange glow of street lamps, as he grips the steering wheel. The leather groans in protest.

"Pardon?"

He scowls. "Nothing."

The remainder of the trip is silent. When we pull into the parking lot of the hotel, he simply brakes. He doesn't park, he doesn't cut the engine. I frown. It's not going to be good for him to be alone… and I couldn't miss the opportunity to be the one to cheer him up and maybe help him forget that stupid boy with the braid. Yet I don't know what to do. My political savvy is of no use to me in this situation.

I reach for the door when Heero seizes my shoulder in a strong grip. I'm jerked around rather roughly and his mouth crashes onto mine. It's not a particularly pleasant kiss but… oh my word… he's _kissing _me! It ends as soon as it started. I stare at him for a moment, touching my lips in wonder. He simply frowns and shakes his head, glaring out the windshield.

"Er… do you want to come up for a drink?" I ask, unable to keep the nervous trill out of my voice. I do mean it though- a drink and that's all. I may be in this to win Heero over, but I'm certainly not the scarlet woman Dorothy intends to turn me into.

"No."

Carefully, I climb out of the car. He is otherwise silent. With a sigh, I lean in again. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." This reply was curter than the last.

I frown. "Well… good night then. Be careful, all right?"

He grunts. With a second sigh, I close the door and he drives away. I stand there, watching even after the taillights disappear. It's not until a cab drops Dorothy off in front of me that I regain my sense of time.

She climbs out, pays the fare, and gives me a once over as the cab rattles away. "All right. Something happened, I can tell. Walk and talk, Relena dear. Walk and talk." She motions for me to follow her into the hotel, even though it's _my _room that I'm staying in.

"It wasn't anything, really." I have to walk briskly to keep up with her. She's always in such a hurry! It doesn't help that Heero's kiss made my legs feel like cooked spaghetti.

We enter the elevator and she depresses the button for my floor. "Tut tut… now what happened? Talk or I'll be forced to use a truth serum on you."

The sad part is I know it's not above her to do it.

"He… kissed me." I gasp as the elevator doors closed and we move. "Oh my God Dorothy, he _kissed _me! I-It might have been a revenge kiss or a 'testing-whether-I'm-actually-a-homosexual' kiss or any other sort of kiss other than the romantic sort but he _kissed me!_" I suddenly find can hardly breathe from elation and shock.

Dorothy looks quite predatory and arrogant. I'm reminded of a lioness overlooking her pride. "What did I tell you? My plans never fail."


	7. Chapter 7

**Replaced**

**Chapter 7:**

The ship bucks and tosses about on storm-rough waves. I can feel my whole body being thrown about despite the firm grip I have on the railing. Across the deck, Heero is saying something.

I can't hear him immediately, but the wind eventually carries his words to me. "Time to get up, Relena."

Up? I stare at him blankly and his image grows blurry in the rain. Get up where… on the mast or the rigging? The ship is _far _too unstable for that! Surely he knows this?

"Come on, get up already!"

Wait. That doesn't sound like Heero at all. In fact, it almost sounds like…

With a groan I open my eyes to see Dorothy leaning over me with a pillow.

"Finally," she huffs, dropping the pillow to the ground. "I thought I was going to have to smother you to force you awake!"

I groan again, rolling onto my stomach and burying my head beneath my pillow. "Can't you let me sleep?" I complain. After last night night's kiss, I fell asleep far later than usual.

"Ah. Dreaming about Soldier Boy, eh?" she asks, snatching the pillow from my grasp. "And his Kiss of One Thousand Meanings?"

I feel my face grow flush, but I don't dignify that with a response. She smirks knowingly and tosses a silky top and a pair of jeans at me. "Put these on. I can't believe you'd sleep so long," she says as if she's thoroughly disappointed in me. I make a face at the back of her head. "It's nearly eleven, you know. We don't want to miss the fireworks."

"Fireworks?" I repeat stupidly, glancing at the clock. It reads 9:30 am- nowhere _near_ eleven! I scowl at her but it just rolls off. With a sigh, I climb out of bed.

"Of course. Fireworks. Also known as the fruits of our labor. Today will confirm whether last night resulted in hot and steamy make-up sex or even more delicious- a feud to rival the war between Earth and the colonies!" Her eyes glint as she buffets me towards the bathroom. To her, Christmas has come early it seems. "Either will be glorious, I'm sure."

"Dorothy!" I squawk as the door slams on my face.

She titters in a way I could almost call maniacal. "Wash up, dear Relena! You want to look good for Soldier Boy!"

----

After a brief spat about how my makeup should look (and I won, as it is of my opinion that a casual luncheon does not require the whorish look of club makeup), Dorothy and I finally leave for The Grass Skirt. The butterflies that took over my stomach last night have returned with friends. What will happen if Duo and Heero figured out our scheming last night… or worse- if Heero actually meant something romantic behind his kiss? As much as I desire his attentions, I'm suddenly unsure I can handle it, if that kiss was anything to go by. The butterflies don't help one bit.

"Do you even know if they both work today, or even one of them for that matter?" I ask as we walk down the street. Stevenson is just out of sight. He trusts Dorothy about as far as I can throw her (which I say because _he_ could throw her a lot farther than I could- he's a bodyguard, after all).

"I don't know," she replies with confidence. She folds her hands before her, looking serene and innocent despite the tone of her voice. "But we will find out either way what has happened. Gossip travels almost as fast in the workplace as it does the political world."

I don't see how Heero would put up with workplace gossip, so I'm skeptical as I follow her into the quaint restaurant. I guess I should learn to trust her animal instincts by now because immediately I can tell _something_ has changed. The air isn't quite as peaceful as before, even though nothing has changed with the décor or setting overall.

The first obvious sign is the hostess at the desk. She is the same older woman I had met a few days earlier. She gives us a strained greeting as we walk past her and into the restaurant itself. The tension thickens.

"They're here," Dorothy says with a pleased smile.

I'm inclined to believe her. We take a table near the kitchen and I peruse the menu. I'm surprised to find that the food offered does not stick to the Hawaiian islands alone, as I first assumed, but lists several dishes native to tropical islands around the world. In fact, I'm quite impressed. The work done here is thorough. I think I am starting to believe that Heero does in fact own part of this restaurant. Diverse though the menu may be, I order a simple salad. I don't think I can handle anything heavier. The butterflies have joined the marching band with my intestines.

Dorothy orders a prepared fish of some sort to which I pay little attention. The way she is leering at the kitchen doors is distracting. A few times I glance back to see what she is looking at, but there is nothing of interest.

I reach for the provided glass of water and take a sip. A loud crash originating from the kitchen causes me to choke. I hack and cough gracelessly.

"Fuck you, asshole!" a voice shouts- Duo, if I am right- so loudly that I'm sure the patrons in the back of the restaurant heard him.

"And the results are in," Dorothy muses, sipping her frothy fruit drink with a smug look.

There is second crash, immediately followed by a third.

Apparently Heero says something disagreeable because Duo yells: "You want to say that to me again?"

"Just get the hell out of my kitchen!"

"Fucking bastard!"

_CRASH!_

I too am staring at the door to the kitchen. It's like watching a car wreck, only listening to it instead- I want to plug my ears, but I find I can't.

"Too bad we can't see what's happening. Dinner theater!" Dorothy sighs. "Now there's a luxury." She sounds thoroughly disappointed. I can't say I'm surprised. She always watched battles for enjoyment. Why should a lover's spat be out of bounds?

The hostess hurries away from her desk and storms into the kitchen.

"Oh, is she going to end the festivities so soon?"

I look around to see Dorothy pouting.

"Why must she interfere, hmm? Things were just becoming _riveting…_"

With a sigh, I shake my head. Honestly, she's a lot of trouble.

The door to the kitchen slams open with a startling '_whack!'_ and Duo storms out, nostrils flaring. Heero lunges after him, but the hostess hangs onto his arms for dear life and he simply stops in the kitchen doorway, glaring. I'd never understood what people meant when they said Heero had a Death Glare. Now I know. Repressing a shudder, I turn back to Dorothy.

"Hmm, maybe we should go a different route with your fashion selection, if Soldier Boy likes the Long-Haired Wonder," she muses. It's as though she's suddenly completely oblivious to what's going on.

I glance up as the man in question storms past us, old jacket in hand. When I see that he is wearing a horrible array of mismatched colors- red t-shirt, ratty blue jeans, old green and white checked court shoes, and a navy ribbon in his hair- I give her a look of abject horror. "If you make me wear anything _remotely_ similar to that monstrosity I swear I'll chase you out of town!"

"That _ensemble _is enough to chase me out of town, thank you." She gives a delicate shudder. "It's a wonder he can pull it off without becoming the laughingstock."

It is my turn to arch a brow at her. "You _are_ kidding, right? Who's going to laugh at him? He's an ex-Gundam pilot. No one wants to be the first to find out he still has a twitchy trigger finger." I give her a pointed look.

"Oh, you're _right._" She looks thoughtful, then smiles at me. "You're catching up, Relena darling!" Reaching over the table, she gives my hand a proud pat. "Maybe soon I can set you free in the real world?"

"Now you're only mocking me."

"Maybe." Her gaze, fixing on Heero once more, is positively predatory. "Now is your chance," she suddenly says, whacking me with her napkin. "Go. Speak with him. He's wounded. He will need comforting."

I follow him with my gaze, uncertain. Is that right, going after him so soon after his falling out with Duo? It seems so cheap.

"Everyone knows that a down on his luck soul will spread his legs for anyone who shows him a little kindness," Dorothy explains when I balk.

"Good grief, Dorothy! That's so _crude!_ Besides… I've only heard that said about women (wrongly so, if you ask me) and Heero is _not_ like that!"

"And how would you know?" She smirks and nods towards him. I huff at her. "Move. Or all this will have been for nothing."

I know she's right, unfortunately, and I was never one to do something halfway. Taking a deep breath, I release the napkin I'd been twisting into knots and I stand slowly. He still stands by the kitchen glaring in the empty space Duo had occupied minutes before. The hostess must have thought he could handle himself further, because she had returned to her post.

"Um… Heero?" I say cautiously as I make my equally careful approach.

He looks at me with a jolt. "What?" he grumbles. It's as if he's not really talking _to_ me, more like… _at _me as if I'm not really there.

I don't like this. I want him to look at _me_. "Dorothy and I couldn't help but overhear your… um… fight. Is everything all right?" I ask with utmost innocence.

Heero's gaze shifts from staring _through _me back to the exit and his glare hardens a bit. I take a small step back.

"Yes. Everything's fine. Excuse me." He disappears into the kitchen again.

I glance worriedly at Dorothy. She simply gives me a shooing motion. Follow him in? This is a place of employment! Patrons are _not _allowed wherever they please! Hastily, I shake my head.

Heaving a sigh so dramatic I can see it, she gets up and crosses the restaurant to me. "What are you balking at?" she hisses.

"Dorothy, think on it. I'm not allowed in there. I'm not employed here."

"Hmm… maybe you should ask if they're hiring?" Her hands settle on my shoulders.

"What?" And with a sudden yelp, I stumble through the kitchen door. I straighten myself with as much dignity as I can muster and stare at the door. She _pushed_ me!

My ears are assaulted with the sounds of clattering dishes, running water, and undistinguished verbal orders. Well, I'm in here anyway. It can't possibly get much worse, can it? Slowly, I turn to face the kitchen. Everything looks very new and very clean. Something that smells absolutely divine is boiling on one stove. A young waitress in a grass skirt bustles past me with a tray of appetizers as if I'm not even here.

Taking a deep breath, I scan the kitchen for Heero. Unfortunately, I can't see him through the array of bodies, food, steam, and various appliances. I'll have to make my way further inside.

Seizing a clean napkin on a tray by the door, I wind it tightly in my hands as I wend my way to the nearest body. I need something to occupy my hands, or I just might go crazy. An older man, possibly in his thirties, with a dark, smooth complexion and very nice white teeth is murmuring to a veritable cauldron of soup.

"Excuse me?"

He doesn't seem to hear me.

"Excuse me?" I repeat. "Can you tell me where Heero is?"

Still, I don't think he hears me. He mutters again to the soup.

"Sir?"

"You're not a reporter, are you?"

His voice is accented with a very robust Scottish brogue. It would be charming if he didn't sound so very stern. He still doesn't look at me, which I'm starting to find very unnerving. I'm used to people looking at me when they talk to me.

"Um… no." His comment makes me curious. Do reporters frequent The Grass Skirt? Are they really so bothersome in this little town?

The man thrusts his finger away from me. "Down at the corner. Be quick."

I thank him, though I doubt he hears me. Wending my way through more staff, I finally see him, clothed in a crisp, clean, white chef's jacket, chopping up a fish with cold precision.

I wait and watch until he's finished in case I startle him into cutting off his finger or something horrible like that. The look is very becoming on him, that of a chef. I don't know how extensive his training is, or if he just makes it up as he goes, but I wouldn't mind having him cook for me once in a while. I never have much time to cook for myself. My imagination carries me for a little longer, with the two of us in a small house, a daughter and a son, the four of us so very happy…

I'm startled out of my reverie when I hear the scrape of the knife across the cutting board as he drops the fish into a bowl.

"Heero?"

His head lifts from his job and he looks at me. This time, I think he actually sees me. "Oh. Relena. What are you doing here?"

I get the distinct impression that he doesn't remember speaking with me outside the kitchen. It irks me, just a bit

"Dorothy and I are having brunch and… I thought I'd say hello."

He just hums in response and turns back to his cutting board, slapping on another fish fillet.

"I was just wondering…" I begin, but he's started cutting again. It's as if I wasn't even there.

"Yes?" he prompts after several seconds of silence. All right, perhaps he _does_ realize I'm still here. "I'm not going to know what you want unless you tell me." His voice is very precise and cool, as if this is a speech he's given often. Well, no wonder Duo went out with Dorothy…

"Er… right." I try to ignore the fact that he doesn't _seem_ to be paying attention. "Well, I was wondering if you would… like to join me for dinner tonight?"


	8. Chapter 8

Replaced

_AN: It's about time! … Writer's block is a bitch. _

**Chapter 8:**

To say I was shocked that Heero agreed to join me for dinner would be the understatement to end all understatements. I am currently pacing my hotel room, convinced it's not good enough to host an intimate dinner with him. It's not at _all!_

"This is a disaster!" I shrill, wringing my hands desperately.

"Yes… those shoes look horrible with that outfit. Relena dear, what were you _thinking?_ Or _not _thinking, to be accurate," Dorothy muses from her perch on the edge of the desk. She is eating the chocolates I had sent up to calm _my _nerves. "Ew. Coconut." She places the chocolate back into the box and searches for a new one.

"Don't put it _back! _And stop eating all the good ones! They're _mine!_" I snatch the box away from her.

"Greedy. Greedy," she hums. "Now about those shoes…"

"Dorothy, I'm serious!"

"So am I!" she snips. "Those shoes are a disaster waiting to happen. They scream desperate and uncomfortable. You'll be aching to get them off your feet before he even walks through the door." She purses her lips and casts me a sidelong glance. "Come to think of it why _are_ you wearing shoes? You're eating in."

"I can't just waltz around in front of him in my bare feet!" I squawk, scandalized.

"Oh no. You can't go around with bare feet. He may get the wrong idea." She snorts in an unladylike manner.

I roll my eyes. "Are you truly my friend?"

"I think so." Somehow, she managed to wrangle my chocolates from me because she's picking through them again. "What about socks?"

"With _this _skirt?"

"Hmm, you're right. They'd be worse than shoes. Hose? No wait… you want something that's quick and easy to get off-"

"_Dorothy!_"

"And I doubt you own anything _sans le _crotch."

"_Dorothy!_" How can she be so _crude?!_

"Oh don't sound so surprised. You're a big girl. It's _okay_ to have sex with Soldier Boy should the opportunity arise. I'm certain it will help you unclench. Heaven knows you need it."

My face is positively _burning_, but I can't seem to get out a decent reply. Sputtering stupidly, I turn and wrench the shoes off my feet. What does she think I'll be _doing!?_ _Certainly_ Heero has nobler intentions than _that!_ I mean, it's only our second date… if you can even call that nightclub spectacle a date. However he _did _kiss me… I don't know _what_ to think anymore! With a shrill growl, I pull at my hair. Oh the frustration one action can create!

Dorothy smiles pleasantly, as if she is as innocent as an infant. "Your life is just one big romantic comedy, eh?"

"Oh stop!" I make a vain attempt to smooth my mussed hair. She is not helping my nerves at all! "Why don't you go… go shopping or something?"

"And leave you alone as your nerves eat you alive?"

Oh how unfortunate it is that she makes a valid point.

"Don't worry. I'll leave about ten minutes prior to when Soldier Boy is supposed to arrive-"

"His name is Heero, you know," I say, weary with exasperation.

"That's what I said."

I open my mouth to argue, but I snap it shut almost immediately. There is no point in arguing with her. She has this way of outmaneuvering me at every turn. It must spawn from her obsession with battle and general turmoil. It's probably a good thing she's not going into politics; she has this knack for making people look like fools.

Pulling Stevenson into the room, we set up in the small kitchenette to cook a dinner Heero will never forget. He's quite the chef, my bodyguard. Apparently it's a key part of his training- along with scores of other seemingly useless odds and ends- that help him fit in wherever he goes. Heero hasn't even shared that much with me. Tonight, that will change.

Of course, five minutes barely pass and both Dorothy and Stevenson shove me out of the way.

"I don't know how you've managed it, but you're burning the_water!_" Dorothy shrieks.

I've never been much of a chef myself. If it's from a package, I have relatively few problems. Cooking from scratch (or near scratch, anyway), however, it's obvious my skills are lacking.

The time flies by with ridiculous haste, as it tends to when one is anxious about the arrival of a certain hour. As promised, Dorothy left ten minutes prior, shooing Stevenson out the door with her.

"Now, be the smart, mature girl we all know is in there somewhere. If he wants to kiss you again, don't flake out," she told me as she closed the door.

"I didn't flake out the first time!" I told the door impatiently. She simply laughed.

It's now two minutes until he arrives, if he is still as punctual as I recall. According to Stevenson, dinner should be finished ten minutes after he arrives. It's just enough time for him to settle down and relax in my company. I don't think I can handle this…

I pace the room a bit frantically, wringing the feeling out of my fingers. Time is _now_ doing that weird thing where it feels as though it is dragging its feet and flying by all at once. There is only one minute left. Now thirty seconds.

Twenty.

Ten.

Five.

A knock on my door startles a squeak out of me. He is exactly on time. I don't know how he does it. I always arrive either early or fashionably late at the various events to which I'm invited. Quelling a nervous giggle, I open the door. He's just as handsome as ever in his tired old Preventers jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. I think I just might faint dead away…

"Heero!" I say with surprising control of my voice. "Come in, come in. Here, give me your jacket."

With a nod, he enters and shrugs out of his jacket, handing it to me silently. I can tell by the way his eyes dart around the room that he's assessing all possible exits. I can't help but smile. After all this time, he's still a soldier at heart.

"Sit down, make yourself comfortable," I say, still surprised at how my voice is so even despite my nerves. I tuck his jacket in the little closet across from the bathroom. He still hasn't said anything.

"So… how are you?" The awkwardness is starting to creep into my voice.

"Fine, thank you," he says in that flat monotone I'm so accustomed to him using with me.

I try to smile. "I hope you're hungry. Stevenson went all out."

"Stevenson?"

I give an internal sigh of relief. Finally, he offers me a chance at normal conversation. "He's my bodyguard. He's quite good at the job- very thorough. I think you two have a lot in common, actually."

He simply nods and says nothing more.

I sit in the chair across from him, twisting a napkin in my hands. I can't believe how difficult it is to talk to him. "So…" He turns away from the wall he was staring at and fixes his penetrating gaze on me. I gulp and smile again. "So… you own The Grass Skirt?"

Again, he nods.

Note to self: Stop asking him yes-or-no questions.

"How long have you owned it?"

"Duo and I opened shop a year and a half ago, this Wednesday." He frowns a little, maybe at the unwanted thought about Duo.

"Wow, that's amazing!" I plow on, hoping to skirt over that snag in my goals to win Heero over. "For such a short time, I've heard it's quite a popular restaurant."

He shrugs noncommittally.

This is not going to be very easy.

"Seen Duo anywhere?"

I blink. "Excuse me?" Did he really just ask _me _a question? Granted, it's related to Duo, which is a step _backwards_ in my plan, but it's progress.

With a scowl, he shakes his head and utters a brusque "Never mind."

Oh no you don't! I take his hand hastily. He glances at his hand, then me, and then his hand again but this will not deter me! I clench it tighter to show my resolve. "No, no. Speak up. Have I seen Duo, you ask? No, I haven't. Why?"

"No reason," is his flat reply.

I open my mouth to speak again but the timer sounds with a high _ping_, so instead, I beam at him. "That must be dinner."

He looks neither thrilled nor disgusted. _What_ can I do to get through to him? I have to show him that I am more desirable than that longhaired ruffian.

Grabbing a pair of oven mitts that Stevenson courteously left behind, I pull a dish of delicious-looking lasagna out of the oven. The smell is even more heavenly.

Is it too obvious that I love pasta?

With a song in my heart, I dish out two large servings of the lasagna, deposit them onto separate plates provided by the hotel, and return to the little table where Heero has not moved. He thanks me with a nod. I sit and we both begin to eat. Oh goodness… it's just as incredibly as it smells!

For the first minute or so, there is silence, which is to be expected from Heero. He never was much of a talker. Briefly, I wonder if he talks much with Duo but I hastily shove that thought in the back of my mind. This is about Heero and me. This is our time. So I watch Heero eat instead, wondering what is cycling behind that handsome façade. He stabs a bit of lasagna, twirling the stringy cheese around the fork before popping the morsel into his mouth. Oddly, his lips pucker a bit. Then he takes another bite. The same lip puckering occurs.

"What do you think?" I finally ask, desperate for some conversation. I also cannot deny the fact that I'm curious about his peculiar reaction.

"Too much basil," is his blunt reply.

Startled, I ask what he means, and he proceeds to give me a rundown on just how lasagna should taste, how much of each spice to add, etc… As with anything, he's well informed and unexpectedly opinionated when it comes to food. It's really quite amusing listening to him.

"Of course, this is all just my opinion," he adds humbly, though I imagine that he considers his opinion to be the correct one.

Well, it's not my place to argue. _He's _the one with the degree in food preparation, running an outstanding restaurant while I, on the other hand, can barely boil water. Still, I'm glad that I wasn't the one who cooked the meal.

"So you must really enjoy food, hmm?"

He shrugs, taking another bite of the lasagna. "I guess I do." He smiles slightly- the barest curving of lips- and gestures to me with his fork- an action so remarkable human that for a moment I'm taken aback with surprise. It's not something I could ever picture him doing and I smile as well. It's endearing. "What about you?"

"Me?" I ask, albeit a bit stupidly.

"How are things within the political world? I've been so busy with the restaurant that it's hard to keep up with the news."

I smile a bit more, flattered that he cared enough to try to stay caught up with my doings to begin with. "It's a bit slow," I admit, after I take another bite of the pasta. "Even being who I am, I'm only nineteen- few diplomats really give serious consideration to my ideas."

"That's absurd."

I grin. "I think so too." I'm rewarded with a small smile. My heart flutters childishly. Then I shrug. "Right now I'm taking time to complete my education so I will _truly _have the knowledge to back myself upon."

"You're on vacation now then?"

I fight down a blush. "You could say that." It's a trip to seek him out and hopefully stake my claim, but one could call it a vacation. I would be quite okay with that. "This town is really very quaint. Do you like living here?"

He nods and after a few more prodding questions, opens up a little to talk about what he likes about the town- the park, the people, and, though he doesn't say it out loud, I can tell he really likes the peace and quiet as well. There is no word about the mystery of the reporters and I'm kind enough not to pry, though I'm practically dying from curiosity. If he wants me to know, he'll tell me.

Anyway, he only stays for about an hour more, but in that hour I feel as though I've learned so much about him. When he leaves, he gives me a simple, slightly awkward hug- as though he's not used to giving them- but it leaves me smiling.

Dorothy bursts into my room not even five minutes after he left. She must have staked out the parking lot. "That was unexpectedly short," she comments easily as she wanders into the kitchenette and helps herself to the leftover lasagna.

I make a face at her, flopping into a chair. "Do you _always _do this?" I ask of her barging in.

"Well, of course. In fact it's necessary. At this point I should think it would be expected. I _am_ helping you win Soldier Boy over, after all. I need to know the fruits of my labor so I can plan where to send you next," she replies around a mouthful of pasta. "So…? Why did he leave so early? Did your horribly bare feet scare him away?"

"No! At least… I don't think so. Stop teasing me! Anyway, he told me he has a very busy day tomorrow and has to get an early start on it."

She hums in a way that has so many meanings I can't even begin to decipher the one she intends.

"Don't start, Dorothy! It really went well."

With a quirk of an eyebrow, she wordlessly prompts me to explain.

I can't help but smile. "He _talked _to me. He told me about moving here and setting up shop." Even though both things likely included Duo, he didn't mention him the rest of the night. I consider this a huge step forward towards my cause.

Dorothy, however, is shaking her head as I draw my story to a close. "Why are you so pleased?" she says, sounding ridiculously disappointed. "All he did was tell you the 'whats'. No _whys_ or _hows_." She sighs dramatically. "He avoided revealing anything of importance to you and you weren't clever enough to catch it. Face it. Around you, he's still a soldier."

"Still a soldier or not, that's still more than he's ever talked to me since I've known him!"

Again, she hums. "Well… did you kiss him?"

I shake my head.

"Did he kiss you?"

"No… But he did give me a hug-"

"Relena!"

I jump at the force of her shout.

"That is unacceptable! _Friends_ hug! Business associates hug! Maybe." She shakes her head and gives me a stern look. "Potential lovers do not hug!"

"Yes they do!" What _planet_ does she hail from?! I don't know who she's dated but most dates I've been on do not start out with searing make-out sessions!

"If he's kissed you before they don't! The only thing worse would've been a peck on the cheek! Then he's relegated you to _mom_ status."

"Mom status?"

"Yes! As in he sees you as his _mommy!_"

"He doesn't see me as his mommy!"

"One can only hope it doesn't come to that!" Dorothy snips.

There is a loud knock on the door that stops her mid-rant. We exchange looks before I cross the room and pull open the door.

"Look, I've had a rough day and-"

"You!" I gasp, feeling a very unsettling sense of déjà vu.


	9. Chapter 9

**Replaced**

**Chapter 9:**

"Jesus fucking Christ you have _got_ to be shitting me," Duo Maxwell mutters. The odor of alcohol _rolls_ off him and his eyes are puffy and bloodshot. This leads me to the conclusion that he drunk.

I try not to cringe at his language. Of course, his smell makes me cringe anyway. I could say the same vulgar thing to him, but instead I manage a polite "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, you can keep your goddamned voice down."

I frown. "I don't understand."

"I'm in the room below. I've got a headache five miles wide and your loud voice isn't helping any!"

"That would be _me_, actually," Dorothy chimes in, coming up beside me and giving him a put-off look.

"All right, where are the cameras?" he snaps, sticking his head into my room to look around. I jump back startled. How rude! As suddenly as he looked in, he pulls out to look behind him.

"Pardon?" I arch a brow at him skeptically. Perhaps he's done a little more than just had too much to drink… if you get my meaning.

"This _has_ to be some stupid game show. Or a prank. There is no way this is really happening to me."

"Nope. I'm afraid this is real life, darling. Welcome to it." Dorothy smiles delightedly, splaying her fingers before her as if presenting him with a surprise.

I have to bite back a laugh. I can't help it. Her response _was_ a funny one.

"You know what," he snarls at her. "I really don't like you."

"Then why did you join me at Magyk, hot stuff?" she retaliates as easily as if she's discussing the weather.

If Duo Maxwell would ever spit fire (or murder Dorothy), I swear now would be the time. He certainly looks mad enough to do it. Dorothy simply smiles innocently. I'm impressed at her calm. His murderous glare nearly has _me_ quaking, and it's not even _directed_at me!

"You know, that's none of your business, you crazy- you crazy-" Anger seems to leave him at a loss for words.

"Cow?" Dorothy supplies with a smile. I blanch. _Why_ does she always bring up my blunder?! Even if he has no idea what she's talking about.

"What?"

With a smile of my own, I grab my friend's arm and pull her away from him just in case he decides that she's too crazy to exist. "We'll try to keep our voices down," I assure him in placating tone. "It really was nice to see you." It _wasn't_, but I'm trying to keep the murderous beast inside him.

He scowls at me in response, stuffs his hands in his pockets, and shuffles away. I close the door with a sigh of relief and turn to see Dorothy pouting. "What?"

"You always ruin the fun." She is sulking now which strongly reminds me of a child denied a new plaything.

I fold my arms over my chest. "I had to do something! Baiting him is like baiting a _bear_, Dorothy!"

"What's your point?"

With a great sigh, I shake my head. "Never mind…"

"So… if baiting Wonder Boy is like baiting a bear, what would you liken baiting Soldier Boy to?"

"I don't know… but it would be something with tusks, fangs, _and_claws. Possibly poisonous."

She laughs. "And yet you are still drawn to him."

With a shrug I admit it. I can't help it. There is something so…_magnetic_ about Heero, standoffish though he may be. It makes sense that Duo is drawn to him as well.

With a pleasant-sounding sigh, Dorothy sits in the chair Heero had occupied earlier. "I wonder if he saw his dear soldier coming to visit you."

"Dorothy… we're still alive. By the looks of it, he probably would have murdered us- well, me, at least- if he had."

"I _wonder_…" she drawls in a maddening tone. It is as though she knows so much more than she chooses to impart.

I groan, sitting across from her. "_What _do you wonder?"

"Well, it was evident by his… ah… _odor_ that he was completely wasted. Or on the way there, at least. What other reason would he have to drink if not because his lover was having a sexy rendezvous with someone else- a _woman_, in fact?"

"He could be an alcoholic," I point out matter-of-factly, "or depressed. Either Heero threw him out or he simply left him in a fit of anger. _I_ would be depressed." I'm not sure it would drive me to drinking, but everyone has his own coping mechanisms. Drinking might be Duo's.

"True," she admits, pressing the tips of her fingers together. "_But_-" her fingers bob in my direction "-I don't know about you, but I don't think that his explanation that we were too loud holds. Headache or no, common courtesy dictates that complaints against loudness aren't really… _allowed_ until around ten p.m.- when more people are trying to sleep. Unless you're being absolutely ridiculous about it. Besides, we weren't that loud."

I'm not so sure- Dorothy can be _quite_ loud when she puts her mind to it.

"It's my guess that he was hoping to confront Soldier Boy. Either to start another row or throw himself at his mercy. Either would've been entertaining, really…" she muses, tapping her chin lightly, looking amused by the mere _idea_.

"Dorothy, are you just toying with them? Is this just a _game_ to you?"

Pressing her hand to her chest in a dramatic manner, she looks at me, aghast. "Relena darling, what do you take me for?" She fans herself dramatically with her fingertips, as if trying to hold off a faint. "You told me of your dilemma with Soldier Boy and his Snag." Again, I wince. "You acquiesced to my offer to help. I'm doing this entirely for _you_. The fact that I can watch a spat between two ex-pilots is, yes, a perk. But that's all it is. A perk. I'd help even if I couldn't observe the results." She gives a haughty sniff. "And I'm rather hurt that you'd think so poorly of me."

I bite my lip, feeling slightly abashed. She made a good point. "I_am _sorry, Dorothy. It just seems… you're getting an unnatural amount of glee from their misery."

"And this surprises you?" She cocks a brow in my direction.

"I … well… no." I have to admit that it doesn't. I've known her long enough not to think otherwise.

A knock at the door draws our attention.

"Ah! Unless Wonder Boy has come down for a rematch, that should be your bodyguard," Dorothy says, crossing the room to answer the door.

"Why do you say that?"

"I sent him for ice cream. He's a good man, your guard. Not the least bit trusting though."

"He's my bodyguard. He's not supposed to be trusting."

"Whatever you say." She opens the door and takes the grocery sack Stevenson holds out, peering at the contents. "Chocolate Raspberry Swirl for you-" she hands me a pint, "-and Vanilla Toffee Crunch for me. Mmm… Delicious…" With a haughty look at Stevenson, she jerks her head in towards the room. "Well. Don't just stand there. You might as well join us for ice cream and a movie."

"I have a job to do, Ms. Catalonia," Stevenson points out, giving me a frown.

I smile a bit, sensing that all he wants to do is get away from her. "Dorothy, quit harassing the poor man. I'm sure he has better things to do than sit around with two girls watching 'chick flicks'."

Stevenson nods and heads from the room, back to his post. Dorothy cranes her head out the door for a moment, watching him leave.

"You know… he has a nice butt," she muses, finally clicking the door shut.

"Dorothy!"

She shrugs, taking a seat next to me and turning on the television. "Just making an observation."

I think about her comment for a moment and all the times I've seen Stevenson's backside. I can't help a grin. "Yes… yes, I have to agree."

"Relena!" Dorothy squawks in perfect imitation of all the times I've squawked her name. We exchange silly glances and dissolve into giggles. For the first time in quite a long time, I feel like a normal teenaged girl.

----

I lurch awake suddenly. The clock on the bedside table reads 2:30 AM. I frown, trying to recall what woke me up. I don't think I was having any unpleasant dreams…

A crash and a muffled scream reach my ears. Oh dear Lord… Throwing back my covers I climb out of bed, taking care to step over Dorothy, who made a nice little pallet on the floor with several blankets and a couple of my pillows. How she could've slept through the noise, I'll never know.

Stumbling across the dark room, I crack open the door. Stevenson is standing patiently against the wall, alert despite the hour.

"What's going on?" I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

He shakes his head. "I'm not sure. It came from the next floor down, I believe."

I jump when I hear another crash through my floor. Behind me Dorothy finally wakes, uttering very annoyed curses. I pointedly ignore them.

"Do you think… Do you think it's a … domestic disturbance?" I ask Stevenson delicately. I know it's none of my business, but I am not one to sit idly by as something horrible happens. Without waiting for an answer, I slip back into my room and flip on the light despite Dorothy's vehement protests against it.

"What are you doing?" she demands irritably.

"Looking for my robe…"

"… Why?"

Upon finding it, I slip it on over my pajamas. "I'm going to see if I can stop whatever's going on down there."

"Ms. Darlian-"

"Relena! That's what calling the front desk is for! This is their job, not yours!"

"I am going to have to agree with Ms. Catalonia," Stevenson added.

I thrust my nose into the air. "What sort of leader would I be if I can't solve crises on my own, hmm?"

"This isn't your crisis to solve," he rumbles.

Dorothy, on the other hand, beams. "Go in fighting, Relena! Your star shines tonight!"

I hold a hand to my temple as another roar sounds from below. "Dorothy, please forgive me for saying this but… but… just _what_ are you on!?"

The sound of her laughter follows me out the door. Stevenson is on my heels as I head down the hall for the elevator.

"Oh Relena, wait for me," I hear Dorothy call, with a reluctance as if I begged her to come. I look back to see her trotting towards me, wrestling on her robe as she approaches.

I sigh as my entourage steps into the elevator. "You don't have to come."

"Of course I do. I can't pass up the opportunity to watch you give some poor sap a verbal throttling."

As the elevator opens up on the floor below mine and we step out, she suddenly brightens. "Oh Relena…" Her tone is singsong.

I give her a curious look.

"Didn't Wonder Boy say he was on this floor?"

It stuns me to realize I had forgotten… which also means…

Oh no…


	10. Chapter 10

**Replaced**

**Chapter 10: **

"Maybe we should just go back to the room," I say, even though this was my idea in the first place. However, Dorothy ignores me and marches ahead to the room that Heero is standing outside. That is an unexpected surprise. From the way he is bellowing through the open door (and the shattered remains of a potted plant that litters the floor behind him), I assume that the room is Duo's.

"What seems to be the problem?" Dorothy asks as she approaches.

I groan in defeat, realizing that all I can do is follow and hope I can keep her from doing something _too_ stupid.

Heero looks at us, though I'm pretty sure he's not paying much attention. His eyes don't focus on any of us and he turns almost immediately back to Duo. "It's none of your concern," he says through a deadly growl.

"It-it _is_ our concern," I insist, coming up next to her. "You're keeping people up." Even with the slip of a tremor in my voice, I sound a lot braver than I feel.

"Butt the fuck out you crazy viper!" I hear Duo shout from the room.

"You watch it!" Heero yells back.

"Oh right! Take her side! Defend _her! _Like you _always _do!"

Heero ducks suddenly, pulling Dorothy and me down with him as a remote control flies out the door and smacks against the wall, cracking the plaster. It clatters, in pieces, to the ground.

"That's so _like_you! Y'know, you can't be everyone's goddamned savior! It doesn't work like that!"

"I'm not the only one at fault!" Heero snaps.

I start when a hand grabs my shoulder and pulls me out of Duo's line of fire as a phonebook flies through. "Stevenson?"

He looks grim, watching them. "We should leave."

"No. Their bickering at this time of night is ridiculous!" I wrench out of his grasp and march between Heero and Duo. "Stop it this instant! People are trying to sleep! If you're going to argue, do it elsewhere or at a more convenient time!"

"I don't want to hear that bullshit from you! Get out before I throw a chair at all of you!" Duo snarls, shoving me out the doorway and into Heero. His eyes widen and then narrow as Heero adjusts me back on my feet. "Oh look, the prince rescues his goddamned princess once again!" The door slams shut in my face.

I can feel Heero's fingers digging into my shoulders with unnatural intensity and, though I haven't yet looked at his face, I sense he's glaring at the door.

Stevenson approaches again and pries Heero's fingers off of me before gently guiding me away. "It is time we left," he insists. This time, I comply.

I glance back as Stevenson pulls me down the hall with Dorothy swaying dreamily after us. Heero just stands there with fists clenched and head hanging. Even from the distance, I can see the muscles in his jaw working angrily.

"Heero…"

He disappears from view as the elevator doors close in my face.

"Oh, Relena darling, that was _wonderful!_" Dorothy practically swoons, slumping against the elevator wall.

I stare at her. Beside me, I can tell Stevenson is ready to knock her head off. "Pardon?"

"You were so commanding. So in control of the situation though it was obvious you weren't- still you _tried! _Just the sort of woman I'm sure Soldier Boy admires most. Certainly not a frail waif." She holds the back of her wrist to her forehead as though she feels faint. "If anything will turn his head, that will!"

I sigh, placing my forehead in my hand. "Not tonight, Dorothy. Not tonight."

"Why do you suppose no one said anything to them before us?" she muses, ignoring me.

"I don't know. They were probably scared. Would _you_ want to get in the middle of two quarrelling Gundam pilots?"

"Technically we _did_. And _technically_ they're _ex_-pilots." She beams. "And are you kidding me? Of _course_ I'd want to be in the middle of it!" She clasps her hands to her chest. "It's all so _exciting!_"

Stevenson and I exchange weary looks. I'm tempted to suggest he take her elsewhere for the night. She's positively mad with glee. Yet we walk down the hall, back to my room, crawl into our respective bedding, and I've said nothing. Dorothy, however, keeps sighing joyously. I can tell she's pleased with herself.

With a groan, I pull my blankets up over my head. "Good night, Dorothy."

"Good night!" she sings in return.

----

I smell the fresh, salty tang of ocean air. Heero and I are walking along the beach. The sand is warm and it slips between my bare toes like particles of silk. A picnic basket sways between us. Shielding my eyes against the sun, I scan for the perfect spot.

"How about that dune?"

I glance over in the direction Heero points. It's perfect. The view of the ocean from there will be incredible! I look up at him and we exchange sunny smiles before padding through the sand towards the perfect location. Overhead a seagull flies.

I've just set up the quaint checkered blanket when the wind suddenly picks up. "What's going on?" I shout over the noise, trying not to blow away. It certainly feels strong enough to carry me off. Heero doesn't seem to notice, as he continues to set up the picnic.

I feel sudden, pressing tension behind me and I turn. My eyes widen.

"I'm going to kill you, you evil pig!" Duo emerges from the dune brandishing an enormous bazooka-like weapon. "I'll kill you both!" With a loud pop, wicked-looking jellyfish fire from his weapon and volley through the air.

I scream and wake up.

There is another scream and from the pallet on the floor, Dorothy sits up, blinded still by her sleeping mask. "What is going _on!?_" she demands, whipping the mask off her head. She turns a positively sinister look on me.

I squeak, pulling my blankets close. "Sorry! It was a good dream gone horribly wrong!"

There is a pounding on the door. "Is everything all right in there, Ms. Darlian?"

"Everything's fine, Mr. Fabulous-Buns," Dorothy sings. "She just had the equivalent of a wet dream!"

"Dorothy!" I yelp, feeling my face grow hot. "It most certainly was _not! _It was a _nightmare!_ And don't call him things like that!"

"Why not? It's true?"

I drop my head into my hands and sigh. She's impossible.

"Well, since we're awake, we may as well get up. There is no time to laze about when an eligible Soldier Boy is on his way to the singles market."

Swinging my legs over the bed, I jump over Dorothy's pallet and make my way to the bathroom. "Do you think he'd really want to see me today?" I ask as I close the door and take care of my morning routine, using the bathroom and washing my face. "After all the events of last night, I wouldn't want to see me if I were him."

"Relena, Relena, Re_lena_." I hear her sigh dramatically. "Don't be so negative, darling. He _won't _like that."

"How do you know what he would or wouldn't like?"

She gives me a pointed look when I emerge from the bathroom. "Do you really have to ask? Has he _not_ played into this plan exactly as I said he would?"

"That may be true, but-"

"But nothing! Not another word! Now, when I'm finished with my shower, you, my dear, had best be prepared to face your beloved Soldier Boy with all the sunny joy you can muster!"

"That might be overkill-"

"It's a goal, Relena. Just a goal." The bathroom door clicks shut behind her.

I sigh and set about getting organized for the day. I have no idea what she has in mind; I can barely imagine. This _is_ Dorothy, after all.

When we had both prepared for the day, Dorothy suggested we go sightseeing. I stare at her stupidly.

"I thought… You said… Heero-"

"What?" She looks at me innocently. "You thought we were going to see Heero _now?_ Honestly, Relena… Sometimes you have to give a man a break. You should see him later, of course, but you don't want to come on too strong. You'll scare the poor oaf away."

"Heero's not an oaf!" He is the epitome of the perfect man!

"You're right. He's a soldier. Now come on. I'm sure this little town has _something_ unique about it." Seizing my arm, she drags me out the door.

We grab a quick breakfast at a brand new café and then take to walking down the street, sipping lattes. Dorothy doesn't seem to be terribly interested in anything either way.

"This," she begins thoughtfully, "must be one of the most boring towns on Earth. No wonder reporters flock to Soldier Boy and the Long-Haired Wonder. They're the only things of interest, being attractive, partly-gay, ex-Gundam pilots…"

"Don't say things like that! That was _crude_…"

She shrugs. "Oh look, a history museum. What do you think the history is here? How they became the most boring town in humanity?"

"Dorothy! I… I think this town is quaint."

She gives me a withering look. I return it with an inquisitive one of my own. It really _is_ quaint. I like it. It's peaceful.

We spend about an hour poking around the museum before Dorothy picks up a sightseeing guide. "Ah… looks like an important politician stayed at this old, doddery hotel," she muses. "An art museum… I _do _like art… It won't be the _Louvre_, but I'm sure it will do."

Then she drags me onward. I don't mind, however. I get to see what makes the place in which Heero chose to make a life for himself special. Who knows? It may be the place I choose to make my life as well… if things go according to Dorothy's plan, that is.

We are just on our way to lunch when Dorothy suddenly crams her elbow into my ribs. I yelp and grab my side, giving her a stern look. She nods ahead of us. With a sigh, I glance in that direction. There is Heero, with a shopping bag from the Computer Depot in hand. He is on his cell phone, arguing about something by the look of it. Whoever is on the other end must have hung up on him, because he suddenly jerks the phone away from his ear and glares at it, before snapping it shut and stuffing it roughly into his pocket.

"Go on," Dorothy hisses to me.

"What?"

"Talk to him, you silly girl! This is the perfect casual-date-opportunity!"

"But-but-but… what do I _do?!_"

"Relena!" she snaps. "Are you a woman? Or a _wombat?!_"

"I'm a-"

"Don't you dare say wombat!"

I puff up indignantly. "I wasn't going to!"

"Good for you! You know your species! Now go!" She shoves me in his direction.

For a step or two I stumble clumsily but I don't think Heero sees. I'm thankful for that. Hastily, I straighten myself out, pausing to make sure every hair is in place and that my clothes are neat, before crossing the street. "Heero!"

He looks up with a start, which is unusual. It's not easy to startle him- or he doesn't show it, at least. He recovers quickly though. With a brief nod, he greets me.

"How are you?" I ask, unable to resist the concern. Last night, after all, was a major ordeal. A quarrel like that stays with a person.

He frowns, his eyes distant. "Fine," he finally says, and flashes a flat smile.

I open my mouth, intent to pursue the subject more, but Dorothy suddenly steps up behind Heero and shakes her head. She's quick. I suppose it's best _not_ to drag his heartache out at this point in time. Not when I'm trying to take Duo's place. Instead, I flash a smile of my own. "So, what are you doing?"

"Buying computer supplies," he replies, holding up the bag.

Of course he was. How silly of me to ask. Still, I persevere. "Hey, would you like to go out for some ice cream if you're not terribly busy? I passed a parlor at the end of the street."

"I-" The factory-programmed ringtone chimes on his cell phone, interrupting our conversation. He pulls it from his pocket and, after flipping it open, glares at the screen and shuts it off, stuffing it back into place. "That sounds fine."

I beam at him. "Wonderful!"

I fall into step beside him, unable to stop smiling, as we head for the ice cream parlor. We mostly engage in small talk on the way, though I notice that I'm doing most of the talking. It's hard to keep the conversation going when he answers questions in the briefest manner possible, but I try my best. I suppose that's the soldier in him. Some things never change.

As we go to step into the parlor, I suddenly remember Dorothy! I just walked off without letting her know where I was heading, though I'm sure it was her plan. She seems to have a plan for everything, even when events take an unexpected turn. After insisting he head on in and make his order, I dash back down the sidewalk, where Dorothy is idling before a wedding boutique.

"What are you doing out here?" she demands when I stop beside her.

"I just thought I'd let you know I wasn't simply walking off-"

"Of course I already know that!" She sighs dramatically. "Honestly, Relena… Look. Go back in there. Have a marvelous ice cream date. Make plans to get laid and-"

"Dorothy!"

"-and you'll be fine! Listen, I'll even be on standby in case you manage to talk yourself into a problem, as you so often do." She sighs again, this time like a mother dealing with an irksome child. I manage to glare at her, wounded. "Now move! Go! Before he decides to give up on you!"

With that advice, I turn and dash back towards the parlor again. Heero is already at a table for two, with a pair of sundaes. How sweet! He took the liberty of ordering for me! As I sit down, he gestures to the sundae before me. "Hope you don't mind."

"Of course not." I look at it. By the looks of it the sundae is made up of coffee-flavored ice cream (the aroma is intense), smothered in hot fudge and chopped peanuts. Not a combination I'd enjoy… mostly because I'm allergic to peanuts.

"What's wrong?" he asks. Apparently, he noticed my hesitance.

"Nothing! It's just… I'm-I'm allergic to peanuts."

"That's what I always order Du-" He scowls almost immediately and glares at the sundae before swiping it off the table. I flinch in surprise. "I apologize. I'll order you something else."

I watch as he approaches the counter again. Was that… Duo's usual order? Winding a paper napkin between my hands, I find I'm not sure what to think of that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Replaced**

**Chapter 11: **

"What do you think it means?" I ask Dorothy. It's evening now and I'm back at my hotel room. Heero and I hadn't done anything besides chat over sundaes. He kept scowling every once in a while with a distant look on his face. I think it meant he was thinking of the first sundae he had ordered and the true meaning behind it. I figured that it was a sign he probably wanted to be alone for the day, so I left it at that.

"Nothing?" she suggests, waving her foot in the air to dry the paint on her toenails.

I give her a pointed look.

She sighs dramatically. "Oh come _on_ Relena… Who knows that you're allergic to peanuts? _I_ didn't. And I'm supposed to be one of your best friends. I'll bet Hunky Guardian doesn't even know- which could be a bad thing, you know, since he's your bodyguard and all… Anyway, you don't make it common knowledge and that is quite understandable. Otherwise all of your enemies would send you treats chockfull of hidden peanut surprises."

"You have a point…" I sigh. "He looked awfully upset about it though."

"Well, he's male." She shrugs. "Sometimes they get upset when they get things wrong. And didn't they call him 'The Perfect Soldier' or something? I'm surprised he wasn't apoplectic with his imperfectness."

"I don't know," I murmur skeptically, dabbing pink pearl nail polish onto my own toes. "I think there was more to it than that."

She studies me for a moment. "You think it has something to do with Wonder Boy, perhaps? Ooh… maybe that was his favorite treat?"

I nod, giving a one-shouldered shrug. "That's what I thought… I mean, coffee ice cream with hot fudge and peanuts is an awfully specific order. Normally if you plan on ordering for someone and you don't know what they like you'd choose something simple, like vanilla, so you'd have less likelihood of making an embarrassing mistake."

With a smirk, she nods. "You're becoming so observant, Relena dear. Soon you'll be ready to fly on your own!"

"You knew, didn't you?"

"I didn't _know_. But I can make an educated guess."

"Dorothy, you're impossible," I exclaim, flabbergasted.

She simply smiles, moving on to her other foot.

Several minutes of silence pass between us. I finish painting my toes and carefully admire my handiwork as they dry. Dorothy has taken to flipping through a magazine with 'Ten Tricks That Will Have Him Saying '_Oh Yes!_'' written on the cover.

"Ooh… I never thought of that," she muses aloud.

I roll my eyes. Honestly, is her mind nowhere else?! "So what are we going to do next?" I finally ask.

"Hmm?" Her eyes appear over the edge of the magazine, brow arched. "I thought you were ready to fly on your own?"

"Not with this scheme," I sigh, flinging myself across the bed onto my stomach. I prop my chin in my hand, plucking at the bedspread in nervous habit. "It's not at all how I would typically approach someone-"

"Well, with a man like Soldier Boy, you need new tactics. He's not approachable by normal means."

Boy, did I know…

She stretches lazily, tossing her magazine aside. "But truthfully, a step this important requires a decision of your own."

I purse my lips briefly, feeling hesitant. "What… sort of decision?"

Leaning in towards me, she places her hand on the top of my head as if I'm a child. "Just how far are you willing to go to win him over?"

I study her for a moment. The thing with Dorothy is that she is capable of great good and even greater evil. It is difficult to say which side she is on at the moment. Either way, I figure it's best to cover my bases. "Fairly far, if I can use anything I've done or _worn_ up until now as an example. However, I don't want to_murder_ anyone or something that drastic to get him."

"Oh, just ruin all my fun why don't you?"

"_What?!_"

"I'm kidding! Relena, darling, you need to learn how to recognize a joke."

I place a hand over my pounding heart. That's the trouble with her! It's impossible to tell! If she had meant it then I'd have to tell her it would be easier to yank out my own tooth than attempt to kill a Gundam pilot, former or not- and certainly less painful…

I just want a chance with Heero. I want him to see me not as a politician or a damsel in distress, but as a capable and attractive woman. Maybe he can fall in love with me then…

"Well, you are going to have to take it up a notch if you truly plan on winning Soldier Boy's little black heart," Dorothy says, almost as if she's read my mind. I glance at her, curious. "All this playing footsy is going to get you nowhere."

"Meaning?"

"You're going to have to put a move on him."

"Dorothy, it's too early to consider _sleeping_ with him-" Never _mind_ the fact that I'm the sort of girl who likes to_wait_, thank you.

"Well of course it is!" She rolls her eyes. Well I'm sorry I'm not so easy! With a casual wave of her hand, she continues. "You _do_need to make a move, however, since it's obvious he's not coming on to you. So kiss him. _I_ would suggest a searing suck-his-tonsils-out-hip-grinding-yes-I'm-promising-it-all sort of kiss, but I know you're more demure than that. A simple, sweet one might work if you put just the right amount of intensity behind it."

I frown. "How will I know it's the right time for it though?"

"You need to stop thinking so politically. Right times don't just_occur. _You have to _make _it the right time. Besides, he kissed you once- though I'm almost positive that, considering the timing and his reaction afterwards, it was testing the waters of his sexuality." I can't help but make a face at her. "Anyway, it stands to reason that it's _your_ turn now. Only show him that_you_ mean it."

"I guess."

"Don't guess. You know."

"I know."

"Say it with power, Relena!"

"I know!"

Dorothy beams. "Good girl."

I give her a smile, half anxious, half excited. So… I just have to kiss him right?

----

Getting the opportunity to kiss Heero is easier said than done, unfortunately. I've tried twice already, but he either knows what I'm up to and is trying to avoid it or he is completely oblivious to my efforts and therefore his evasion is just luck. I hope it's the latter, but I fear it's truly the former. It's an embarrassing concept to consider.

Right now we're walking through the park after an early dinner. My arm is looped with his, but I don't think he really notices. However, I _have _managed to get him to open up a little conversationally. I consider it a small victory on my part.

"So, what made you decide to get a culinary degree?" I ask as we pass a couple making out on a nearby bench.

He shrugs and glances ahead, as though he doesn't even notice the couple. Maybe he _is_ oblivious… "I just like to cook, I guess. It keeps my hands busy." He pauses for a long moment, as if answering questions about his life is a new concept. Maybe it is- though I can't imagine him _never_ talking… "I like the challenge."

"What about The Grass Skirt?"

"What about it?" he asks blankly.

I laugh a little. "What gave you the idea to open such a neat little restaurant?"

"It was Duo's idea." Then he frowns and he squares his shoulders, as if challenging an imaginary opponent.

I barely manage not to wince. There I go bringing up sore topics.

Surprisingly, however, he continues talking. "He came up with the whole 'island' theme. And the name. As a joke, really. He always has outrageous ideas. But…" He sighs heavily. "I liked them. And I liked this idea too. So…" His hand made a vague gesture in the air. With that, he falls silent.

I smile up at him. "I like it too. It's very… peaceful."

He simply hums in response as we shuffle forward. I feel so carefree and light as we walk along. This little town is such a serene place and the park is even more pleasant now that I'm here with Heero. The sun is setting, casting a pink and orange glow over the trees and grass, people and playground equipment. In the distance, the mountains are misty and purple. It's truly magical.

With a contented sigh, I realize that _now_ is the perfect time. Dorothy was wrong. The perfect time _can_ create itself… It just did. I stop walking and pull back on Heero's arm slightly. He glances at me, his expression skeptical and questioning. The setting sun catches his features in such a way that I'm reminded of the first time we met. He'd just come from L-1, washed up on shore from a crash… As silly as it sounds, I thought he was a prince from the heavens. I still think that, looking at him now.

"What is it?" he finally asks, snapping me from my reverie.

I can't be what Dorothy is trying to make me. I can't be Duo either. I can only be me, hoping he falls for me the way I am. With a shy smile, I lean in and kiss him gently- the way I think it should be.


	12. Chapter 12

**Replaced**

**Chapter 12:**

When I end the kiss, Heero stares at me. His expression is hard to read and it makes me nervous. Was it good or was it bad? Maybe I made a mistake in my timing. Maybe I tried too soon?

"What was that for?" he finally asks, brow furrowing slightly.

I study him for a moment, wondering if he would have asked the same thing if Duo kissed him out of the blue. Something tells me that he wouldn't. He would know the reason. I find it somewhat amusing (and a little disheartening) that he can be so oblivious to what is in front of him at times like this…

Well, he _did _say that he wouldn't know what I thought unless I told him. Taking a deep breath, I clasp my hands behind my back. Here goes. "I like you Heero. I liked you back during the war and I… I still like you now. I just hope that maybe- maybe you could like me too."

"I do like you."

His answer throws me for a brief loop, but I'm not stupid enough to think he and I are on the same page here. "No, Heero. I mean I _like_ you. I'm attracted to you." I would say I loved him, but I know it's too soon to even be certain my feelings are that strong. Though I know they could be.

"Oh." He glances away, with his brow still furrowed. He looks almost concerned. Then he turns back to me. "Why?"

I smile a little, then laugh, scuffing my feet on the grass. "There are a lot of reasons. You're attractive… and under that gruff exterior, I know you're very sweet and passionate. You're intelligent and righteous and strong with firm beliefs." I shrug a little. "It's probably everything Duo saw in you as well." I know it's stupid to bring Duo up at this point- he _is_ my 'rival' after all- but maybe Heero will believe my feelings and understand them more if he has something to compare them alongside.

A long silence passes between us. As usual, his face his unreadable though I desperately want to know what he's thinking.

Finally, he sighs. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not returning your feelings."

I smile. "I'm not expecting you to right now. It's too soon, I understand. I just hope you might be able to… some day."

"No, Relena. I won't."

I catch his serious gaze. It's obvious he is certain of this. He should know more than anyone, after all. Quietly, I sigh. So much for Dorothy's plan working. "I see."

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

With a sad little smile, I shake my head, looping my arm with his again. "It's all right." It's all right? No… this hurts… "We were honest with each other. That is most important, right?"

He nods, looking forward, and we continue our stroll in silence.

----

"Relena… what am I going to do with you?" Dorothy asks, handing over a box of tissues.

"What do you mean?" I ask, sniffling horribly and dabbing away my tears. Rejection hurts. It hurts terribly.

"You don't bring up his ex-lover when you're trying to seduce him!"

"I wasn't trying to seduce him! I was trying to explain my feelings to him. It was the only example I could come up with and,_yes,_ I know it was stupid! Again!"

With a sigh, she plops beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Well… the damage is done now. Now we have to figure out a way to undo your colossal mistake-"

"Dorothy, will you _stop _making me feel worse than I already feel?" I twist the tissue in my hand. "Besides, how can we fix something that won't happen? He's _obviously_ in love with Duo still. Even _I'm_ not that blinded by my feelings."

Lifting my chin, she gives me a stern look. "So you're going to give up?"

"I- well- I-I just- isn't it- I mean… I don't know…"

With a great, dramatic sigh she pulls me into a hug. "Again I ask… what am I going to do with you?"

----

I am drawn from the blissful world of sleep by Dorothy, who is insisting if I want to win Soldier Boy I'd better get a move on.

"Dorothy, I can't do this today…" I groan, stuffing my head under my pillow.

"So you're giving up?"

"I don't know… I just… can't do this now."

My pillow is wrenched from my grasp. "Well, you're not going to sulk all day, are you? This town is just _so _exciting. There is so much to do here, after all."

"Your sarcasm is _not_ appreciated right now."

She sighs loudly. "My point still stands. Get up! Up! Up!" Grabbing my arm, she forcefully hauls me from the bed and hustles me into the bathroom.

I find myself getting ready for the day, though I've no idea if Dorothy has a plan or not. I hope not. I don't have the strength for it. I don't want to see Heero. Not yet, anyway. I've been rejected and I'm not someone who enjoys pain so much as to put myself in a position where I have to mingle with him so soon. It's something I'm not sure Dorothy understands.

As I step out of the bathroom, dragging a brush through my tangled, damp hair, I find her thumbing through an area guide.

"What are you looking for?" I ask as I cross the room and pull on a pair of socks. I wear a simple pair of jeans and a lightweight sweater. There is really no need for me to dress up.

"I'm looking for something to do obviously. Anyway, shall we go out for breakfast? I figure it would be nice to invite the Hunky Guardian as well."

"Stevenson?" I twist my hair into a sloppy bun. "I suppose. You dragged me out of bed and all when I was fully intending to hide from the world. We might as well make the most of my misery."

She smirks. "What sarcasm. Now _that's_ the spirit."

Managing a small smile, I shake my head. "All right Dorothy. That's enough."

After another smirk, she dresses, we find Stevenson, and the three of us head out for breakfast.

There is a coffee shop on the corner of the block my hotel is on and we stop there. I order a French vanilla cappuccino and a blueberry muffin, Dorothy- a double-shot espresso and a chocolate croissant, and Stevenson- dark roast coffee, black, as I expect of him. It really is a pleasant outing. I start to feel a little better after last night's failed kiss. Dorothy argues with Stevenson about something- I wasn't paying attention when they started. It feels like we're extras in a movie. We're the small group of friends having a nice breakfast, barely focused in the corner of the screen, blessedly uninvolved with the main plot.

"Isn't that right, Relena?" Dorothy asks.

I shake myself from my reverie. "Hmm?"

"Just agree with me."

I give her a shrewd look. "I've known you long enough to know better than that."

Both she and Stevenson laugh. It's a hearty, loud kind of laughter. I myself can't help but join in. I wish Heero could be comfortable enough around me to laugh like this…

After sitting and chatting for about a half hour, Dorothy decides that we ought to go to the movies. Since I've nothing better to do, I agree. Stevenson, of course, has to follow.

"Don't worry," Dorothy assures him as we head from the coffee shop. "We'll pick with a bit of manly action in it so you won't be too miserable." She smiles.

Stevenson shakes his head slightly, rolling his eyes.

We've just passed a bookstore when suddenly someone flies out the door. I don't make much of it until the person hits me over the head with what I belated realize is a magazine.

"You evil little- argh! How could you _do_ something like this!?" a voice snarls. "Just want to be _friends?_ That's_bullshit!_"

Stevenson roughly hauls me out of the attacker's way, but I still get whacked a second time.

"What is the meaning of this!?" I shriek before getting a clear view of my assailant.

Duo stands before me, chest heaving, with a magazine rolled up in his hand. He looks madder than I've ever seen him. His eyes are narrowed to dangerous slits, but I think I see pain beyond the rage.

"What is the meaning-?! How could you _do _this?! You're a liar! A sneaky, conniving-"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave her alone or I'll call the cops," Stevenson interrupts.

Duo gives him no heed. "-thieving, backstabbing whore!"

"What are you raging about?!" I backpedal several steps when he moves to whack me with the magazine again.

Stevenson whips out his phone with one hand, while the other one presses into his jacket, where I know a shoulder holster is hidden away. I don't want bloodshed! Thankfully, however, Duo backs off, scowling darkly. He whirls on his heel and stalks away, slamming the magazine into the nearest trash bin.

The three of us watch until he disappears completely from view.

"Jealous much?" Dorothy muses. She sounds only curious. "We should probably report him to the cops."

"No…" I shake my head, trying to come to terms with what just happened. What names he called me! What was going _on _with him!?

"Are you all right?" Stevenson asks me.

"Yes. I'm fine. Dorothy, what are you doing? That's filthy." I've just noticed she's poking through the trash bin.

"I want to see what got his panties in a twist." Gingerly, she pulls the magazine out and unfurls it. "Oh-ho-ho… well, I guess we have our answer."

Frowning, I go up to her. "What is it?"

She turns the magazine towards me. It's one of those horrid gossip magazines- something I wouldn't expect Duo to pick up… until I take a closer look at the cover A picture of me kissing Heero from last night is splashed on the cover with 'Perfect Love for the Perfect Soldier?' scrawled beneath it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Replaced**

**Chapter 13:**

"What?!" I gasp, yanking the magazine from Dorothy. "How did they get such a picture?!"

She hums, leaning over my shoulder to look at the picture better. "Sunset really is _your_ time of day. I'm surprised. I always thought you were a morning or afternoon sort of girl. But you look great."

"That's not the problem here!" I shake the magazine vigorously. Who _cares _about the time of day or how I look? "How did they get such a picture?!" Suddenly, I turn to Dorothy. "You didn't set them on us, did you?" I can see it now. It's another way to split Heero and Duo apart. It would be _so_ like her!

From the corner of my eye, I see Stevenson move as if to rectify the situation. Hastily, I motion for him to stand down. No one's life is in danger… yet.

"Oh please, Relena. I'm not so obscene as to set the paparazzi after you and Soldier Boy." She rolls her eyes dramatically. "I've always found them uncouth and unreasonable. Besides, if you recall, you mentioned once before that the members of the restaurant were threatening to throw you out if you were a reporter- not to _mention_how stingy everyone was to give you information about your man. Wonder Boy and Soldier Boy are _ex-Gundam pilots_. Maybe you haven't noticed but, since the war ended, the whole world _knows_ who they are. It's very likely that paparazzi try to seek them out on their own."

I groan in exasperation, pressing my free hand to my forehead. This is not good. This is _not_ good. Heero is going to go berserk if he sees this…

"Anyway, what's done is done. There is no point in getting so worked up. And judging Wonder Boy's reaction, I'd say this is a good thing for _you_."

"Excuse me?" I can't see how this is a positive outcome at all!

"This will cause more quarreling between them. That will drive the wedge further between them."

"Yes, but there is always the chance that this is all going to backfire."

"Ah… I'm not so sure," Dorothy muses, rocking back on her heels and taking the magazine from me.

I give her a questioning look.

She glances at the image again and then proceeds to casually flip through the pages. "If they loved and trusted one another so much, no scheme in the world would've driven them apart."

----

I thought about what Dorothy had said for the rest of the day. I'm not sure how correct her assessment is. All the evidence we created thus far is incriminating and I can't think of a single person who wouldn't get upset over it. What do I know, though? I'm no veteran of romantic relationships. Maybe she _is _right. Maybe they just didn't love and trust one another enough? It leads me to wonder just what Heero and Duo think of each other…

"Pass the soy sauce."

Absently, I pass the sauce to Dorothy.

"What's wrong?" she asks around a mouthful of egg roll.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Just… just things. Don't worry about it, Dorothy."

"About Soldier Boy, eh?"

"What?"

"You're not very good at hiding things, Relena dear."

I sigh. I suppose I'm not… "He hasn't contacted me yet."

She gives me a questioning look.

"About the picture." I nod towards the magazine beside her. "I thought for certain he would call… to vent about it, if nothing else."

"Perhaps he hasn't seen it yet?" Dorothy points out as she polishes off her egg roll and reaches for the carton of fried rice.

I give her a look. "This is Heero we're talking about. He probably knew before I did."

She shrugs unconcernedly. Of course she is unconcerned. Her relationship is not on the line. Even if I can't pursue a romantic relationship with Heero, I still value our friendship. I don't want a sleazy paparazzi photo tarnishing that!

"Well then… maybe it doesn't bother him like it does you or Wonder Boy."

"I doubt _that_… He's very private, you know."

"All right then, Miss I-have-to-have-the-last-word. Why don't _you_call _him_?"

"I… can't."

She arches a brow. "Why not?"

"Because… because I'm thinking."

"Relena…" I can't tell by the tone of her voice whether she's asking what I'm thinking of or admonishing me for thinking in the first place. It doesn't help that she gives me a strange look.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

It's my turn to give _her_ the strange look. She's up to something, more than usual I'd wager. It'll only be a matter of time before I find out what.

Hopefully, it isn't something _too _heinous.

"Could you pass the sweet and sour chicken?"

"Certainly."

As I finish my dinner, I can't help but wonder Dorothy's motive behind helping me. I've wondered it before, of course. Her actions and words don't always _fit_ for someone who is only trying to help me win Heero's heart. She is a mistress of deception, capable of speaking in a way that could have numerous interpretations…

My cell phone rings suddenly. I reach for it across the table, but Dorothy snaps it up first and answers. I shake my head, rolling my eyes.

"No, this is Dorothy," she says in a sweet voice that alerts me that Heero is on the other end. "You want to talk to whom? Relena? Relena who?"

I have a feeling that Chinese food was not the wisest dinner choice. "Dorothy, just hand it to me already!" My stomach is already in enough knots as it is! I wish she wouldn't make it worse.

"All right, you don't have to yell young man…" she admonishes him, making me assume that he said very much the same thing to her. "Here she is." She hands over the phone and says "It's your dearest Soldier Boy" without even covering the mouthpiece.

I glare at her, taking the phone from her. Then I steel myself for what's to come. "Hello Heero…" I say as calmly as I can manage.

"Have you seen it?" he demands without so much a polite greeting in return. I wince at the tone of his voice. Oh he does _not_ sound happy… He does not sound happy at _all_… "Er. Yes. Yes I have."

"I've been fielding calls all afternoon!"

Well, that explains why he hadn't called about the picture beforehand. "Wait… fielding calls? From whom?" I hadn't received any calls myself, and I'm just as much in the public eye as Heero, more so right now since I'm an active (well, actively aspiring) political leader. Maybe they didn't recognize me from the picture or the photographer was just an idiot?

"Who took the picture?" So he ignores my question. "What is going on, Relena?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I reply in a quiet voice.

"You don't," he replies skeptically.

"I don't! Look, Heero, it's not like I set this up! I'm just as surprised as you are!"

He swears, falls silent, and then swears again. If my knowledge of Heero is anything to go by, then whoever shot that photo and whoever wrote that article better hope he never finds them.

"Are you okay?" I ask after a few tentative seconds of silence.

"I'm fine." Then he exhales forcefully. "Do you know who _saw_it?!"

I don't even have to say it. I know he's talking about Duo.

Again, he swears. "Forget it. I'm going."

"Going? Going where?" Why do I have the sinking feeling that letting him go will be a very bad idea.

"I'm going to find the sonofabitch who took this picture and I will kill him."

_That_ might be why. I laugh weakly. Kill him? He sounds so… so serious. Oh sweet heaven above. "Heero."

"I'll talk to you later. Bye." The phone goes dead.

Inhaling slowly, deliberately, I snap my phone closed. Dorothy gives me a curious look to which I shake my head. Don't ask. Don't ask.


	14. Chapter 14

**Replaced**

**Chapter 14:**

Without a word to Dorothy, I grab a sweater and my room key and head out the door. I will calm the murderous beast within Heero if it's the last thing I do! It very well might be, if I fail…

"Ms. Darlian?" a stern voice suddenly barks as I reach the elevator.

I jump, startled. Glancing over my shoulder, I smile in relief. "Ah. Stevenson."

"Is there a problem?"

"Not exactly…" I depress the first floor button and explain my intentions to rein Heero in from his warpath as I wait for the elevator to arrive. If I know Heero as well as I think I do, he's already done research about our picture online. Since he called me, demanding information, I can assume that he didn't find anything useful. Next he'll head out to look for physical evidence, possibly scaring the townspeople as he goes. He's very intense that way…

Absently, Stevenson pats his shoulder, where I know he keeps a gun beneath his jacket. "I'll go with you."

"Really, it's not necessary. He's had plenty of time to harm me and he's not gone through with it." That being said, the people of this town are _far_ less a threat than Heero can be.

"With the way the other one attacked you, I will not take any chances. I'm going."

Well, that's that I suppose… I can tell he won't be swayed. That's what makes him a good bodyguard, I guess.

To be frank, I'm surprised Dorothy hasn't chased me down to join in on the "action". Perhaps it's just another one of her schemes. She has a plan for everything, after all.

Stevenson and I head out from the hotel in search of Heero. Perhaps along the way I'll find out some information that I can offer to help him. The thought makes me a little happier.

"I can't believe how this town protects them!" I gasp, staring over my shoulder at the woman who just told me off for no reason except the fact that I 'brought trouble to those nice boys'. She's the second person to do so in the past forty-five minutes. For goodness' sake, it's not like I had the picture taken purposefully!

It's remarkable, really, how Heero and Duo are so loved by the townspeople. It could've easily been the opposite, considering they were the dreaded Gundam pilots. I know of entire countries that _still_ wish to see all of them dead.

"Miss Darlian, we should return to the hotel," Stevenson says sternly, glaring at the same woman.

I shake my head, continuing down the sidewalk. "Aside from a verbal assault, I don't feel I'll be in much danger-"

"You are naïve to think that."

"Maybe I am." I shrug slightly. "However, I need to find Heero. You don't know him like I do. Things will be much worse if I leave him to his own devices."

Stevenson sighs irritably. "You are making my job even more difficult by dismissing my security concerns."

I smile sympathetically. Despite all appearances, I _do _know how troublesome I can be. "Well, I appreciate you indulging a teenaged girl her idle whims."

"You know that when you turn twenty you can't use that excuse anymore." He sounds so grouchy!

With a laugh, I nod. "Yes, that's why I'm making good use of it now."

He sighs again, this time in defeat. "Try not to stir up too much trouble, will you?"

"I don't stir up trouble. It just finds me." It is completely true. I didn't _plan_ on Dorothy, my number one source for trouble, to show up. Neither did I plan for this picture of Heero and I to circulate the country- perhaps the world.

Speaking of Heero, where did he go?

"I believe I've found your target, Ms. Darlian."

"Mm?" I glance over my shoulder in the direction that Stevenson is gesturing. It _is_ him! I'm surprised to see that he is sitting at a café table, frowning over a notepad.

"Heero!" I call out, waving when he looks up. As usual his expression is hard to read, but he doesn't dash away as I make my approach so I assume he is not so mad at me anymore.

I pull up a seat next to him. Behind me, Stevenson stands. "What are you doing?" I ask as he fixes a stern gaze on his notepad again.

"Piecing together clues," he grumbles, scribbling something down.

I frown. "About the picture?" He doesn't respond, but I know that it's an affirmative. "Did you find anything out?"

"Very little. The people in this town are fairly good about keeping Duo and my whereabouts private. They're good people." He must really like this place to say such a kind thing about its people. "It must have been an outside job." He scowls. "I tried to contact the magazine several times, but they kept me on hold. Now they don't answer."

Well, it's no wonder they don't take his calls. They'd have to know he'd be on a warpath to see to their destruction.

The magazine in question lies beneath his notepad, wrinkled and the corners already smashed as if he ripped through the magazine several times in search of answers. He probably has. Gingerly, I extract it from beneath the notepad and page through it. A few of the pages are actually torn. Goodness, he was angry. I glance up at him again. His lips are pursed and he rubs his chin with his thumb as he glares in the distance. I suppose he still is.

"What about credits?" I suggest it hesitantly, replacing the magazine beneath his notepad. I'm still not keen on the idea of him racing out to kill the photographer. "Magazines usually credit their photographers somewhere inside."

"I've already thought of it. According to the credits, it was an anonymous submission." He scoffs. "A lie, if you ask me. _Someone_ knows who took it. I will find that bastard if it's the last thing I do."

I tilt my head and regard him for a long moment. He's scribbling something yet again on his notepad. To think that he would be so upset about a picture… It just further confirms what I've been thinking the past few hours. "You still love him very deeply, don't you?" I finally ask.

He looks at me with a start. "What are you talking about?" he asks, eyes narrowing. I can tell by that reaction that I'm right.

"Duo."

He scoffs again and returns to his notepad. I glance over my shoulder at Stevenson, but he offers me no answers. I don't really expect it. With a sigh, I absently twirl a loose strand of hair around my finger as I dwell on the state of relationships, particularly with Heero. He's not an easy person to get along with by any means and the relationships he's involved with seem to sit on a delicate string. That includes something as simple as our friendship. It makes me wonder how Duo managed knowing such a thing- or even if he knew how delicate it was to begin with. He never struck me as a person who could handle delicacy, being so loud and aggressive and occasionally unstable. With him so different, what is it Heero sees in him? I say 'sees' because there is no doubt in my mind he still loves Duo. Otherwise I think he would've given my confession more consideration than he did, even if he still decided he couldn't love me. He's very logical in that sense.

"Why are you here, anyway, Relena?" he finally asks, looking up from his notepad.

"I'm here to help.'

His brow arches. "You want to help me kill this bastard?"

I return his skeptical look with a stern one of my own. "_No_. Neither of us will be killing anyone, Heero. The war is over. If you kill someone now, it will only be defined as pre-meditated murder. We will simply find this person, talk to him or her. If necessary, you can scare him or her, but you will _not _kill anyone."

He harrumphs irritably.

"Do you _really_ want to end up in jail over paparazzi scum?"

"I'll just plead temporary insanity."

The disturbing part is the jury would probably believe it, with him being a former soldier and Gundam pilot. Post-traumatic stress is a viable plea, particularly since the war ended just a few years ago.

"You… you can't be serious." Of course I _knew_ he was serious all along. Otherwise, I wouldn't have scoured the town in search of him.

"I left my laptop at home. I need to find a computer," he says, standing abruptly.

I frown suspiciously at him. _That _can't be good. "Why?"

"I'm going to hack into this magazine's mainframe and-"

"Heero, I'm pretty sure that's illegal-"

"I don't care!"

I stare at him in surprise. I've never seen him so passionate about anything in all the time I've known him.

He lurches violently when Stevenson suddenly grabs his shoulders and pushes him back into his chair. Both of us stare at him in shock. I'm stunned that he had the audacity to touch Heero during such a fit. I'm even _more _surprised that Heero didn't break his arm right there. I think maybe he simply as startled by it as I am. Stevenson, however, doesn't seem to notice either way. Instead, he folds his arms over his chest and gives Heero a withering stare.

"It's time for you to get a grip."

"Stevenson!" I yelp.

He ignores me, attention still focused on Heero. Heero, I notice, is giving him a positively wicked glare. "The more you get worked up over this, the more attention you're going to draw to it." He grabs the magazine and thrusts it at him. "Pictures in these rags are typically forgotten in a week's time. If you allow yourself to go crazy over this, people will just remember it!"

"I know that!" he snaps. "I know that! But I don't like sitting here, being helpless against some bastard with a camera! I need to fix these lies-"

"For God's sake, you're a soldier! Pull yourself together!"

Heero's nostrils flare, a dangerous sign.

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else," I interject, before he can rip Stevenson's head from his shoulders. I understand why Heero's so angry, after all. "Being one of the mysterious Gundam pilots, the world wants to know all about you. No matter how much you're protected, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later." Reaching over, I take his hand and give it a squeeze. "Anyway, it's their _job_ to stir up trouble. If you let it get to you, then they win."

"I know that," he repeats, calmer this time.

I feel my own shoulders relax a degree. I did it. I managed to calm him down- with valuable help from Stevenson, of course. Stevenson got through to him what I could not.

"I suppose your idea would work," Heero finally murmurs.

"Hmm?"

"I'll find the photographer. I'll talk to him. Then scare him a little." He cracks his knuckles and mutters darkly, "Or a lot."


	15. Chapter 15

**Replaced**

**Chapter 15:**

"This is not safe," Stevenson says to me as we follow Heero wherever he is going, presumably where he suspects the photographer might be. "Following him to an undisclosed location like this is insane. He still poses a threat."

"Leaving him alone would be worse. _Someone_ has to talk some reason into him," I point out. That someone is going to have to be me.

"Be that as it may, for you, your _safety_ is _my_ concern-"

"We've been through this already. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have already. I know what Heero is capable of and I'll never forgive myself if he does something rash because we weren't able to stop him."

"It is not your _job_ to stop him. Besides, he is a soldier. He didn't survive this long by being irrational."

He says this because he has not seen Heero as I have. Fighting with my brother just for the sake of fighting, just to see who was stronger, is irrational. Seeking out a verdict from the surviving family members of a peacekeeper he accidentally assassinated is a noble idea, but still irrational. Self-detonating simply because he was told to do so is _completely _irrational. Despite his outward display of level-headedness Heero is the epitome of irrationality. When he has a mission, he follows through on it without considering other options. His single-mindedness is not something to trifle with. That is why we stick to him now.

"I appreciate your concern, but I know what I'm doing. Heero needs a voice of reason or he's going to do something that will get him into more trouble than it is worth. If that happens, it will reflect poorly on the other pilots and could potentially cause a crisis that our infant government can't handle at this point in time."

We manage to catch up to Heero when he stops to wait for the crosswalk to signal it's okay to cross. "If the two of you are going to gossip about me, don't you think it'd be more prudent to do so out of my earshot?" he asks grumpily.

I feel my face grow hot. I didn't think he would hear it. "I-I-"

"Just so you know, I am not so crazy that I'll destroy the entire town just to get my way."

I'm certain my face is the color of a ripe tomato now. It ceratinly feels that way. "I'm sorry Heero. I didn't-"

"That's right, you _didn't_."

I give him a startled look that he ignores as he crosses the street ahead of us. Now I know it was impolite for Stevenson and I to discuss him like that, but his response was downright _rude!_ I've never seen this side of him before. Is it because he's upset about losing Duo… or does he really hate me that much and just hasn't said anything about it all this time? I always figured him to be a very straightforward individual but… maybe I don't know him as well as I thought.

"Now you see what I mean about it being dangerous," Stevenson says, interrupting my musings.

I don't answer. In truth, I find that I can't. Realizing there are things I don't know about Heero, even though this is something I always knew in the back of my mind, makes me question Dorothy's tactics… and my devotion. Have I been in the wrong all this time?

Despite Stevenson's warning, I continue after Heero anyway. Maybe I can learn something that will help me make sense of the confusion welling within me.

--

Well, Heero never did find the photographer. At least not while I was with him. It's well after midnight by the time I trudge back to the hotel, exhausted and as lost as ever. It doesn't help that I pass Duo in the lobby as I return. I fear that if he lets loose on me, I might crumble like a baby. Beside me, Stevenson watches him intently but there's no need for his concern. Duo just stares at me for a moment and then goes on to ignore me. I wonder what he's thinking… Part of me wants to ask, but I'd rather not provoke him into smacking me with a magazine again. Stevenson just might shoot him.

When I return to my room, I find Dorothy still there. Of course, I didn't expect her to leave, so that is all beside the point.

She snaps her cell phone shut and gives me an indignant look. "Well _there_ you are. I've been trying to call you all evening."

"Sorry. The battery in my phone died," I explain wearily, toeing my shoes off and kicking them off in the corner.

"So why did you and Hunky Guardian Stevenson suddenly disappear?"

I flop onto the chair with a sigh. "We went in search of Heero."

"And?"

"Well… we found him."

"And what happened when you found him?"

"I don't—I don't really know."

She arches a brow at me. "You don't… _know._"

"I'm just confused right now, Dorothy."

Giving me a curious look, she says "How so? Like… 'I might be a lesbian' confused?"

"No!" I yelp. "Dorothy, I'm serious here!"

She arches a brow and folds her arms over her chest. "All right then… What are you confused about?"

"I don't know."

With a roll of her eyes, she sighs loudly. "Relena, you need to start listening to what's going on in that head of yours. Soldier Boy certainly won't fall for such indecisiveness."

I nod distractedly. Listen to what's going on in my head? She makes a good point but… what if I don't like what it's saying?

When I finally go to bed, I end up tossing and turning all night, thinking hard and debating with myself. It's all terribly confusing…

I realize that I will never be important to Heero—at least not romantically. If I continue going along with Dorothy's scheme, I'll only drive him further away. I'll only make him miserable. I certainly don't want that. I want him to be happy. Here I say that, but I chose to drive away what I think actually made him happy.

With a dejected sigh, I roll onto my side, hugging a spare pillow to my chest. Am I truly that selfish? Did I purposefully make myself blind to what was in front of me? If I ask myself that and truly listen for it I find the answer is 'yes, just a little'. I mean I didn't come here _knowing_ Heero was taken by another. When I found out he was, in fact, with someone, I guess jealousy sparked a fire within me. After all, Heero rejected my advances and found solace in another girl? Any girl would be hurt, wouldn't she? Of course, then I found out that she was in fact a _he…_ Maybe I just didn't want to accept those facts about Heero, that he was gay and taken by Duo Maxwell. I realize that I still don't. It's something I didn't know about him—one of many things, I'm certain. I don't like not knowing things.

Agh! What am I going to do now? Heero already told me that he only views me as a friend. If he's gay, no amount of wishing and hoping on my behalf will change that and I'd rather be his friend than nothing at all. Of course, if he finds out that it was my intention to drive Duo away, I'd lose even _that_ position in his life.

How can I possibly rectify this situation? _Can_ I even rectify it?

I can't even begin to think of what Dorothy will say if I tell her any of this… Maybe this is one of those times where I won't.


	16. Chapter 16

**Replaced**

**Chapter 16:**

"Well don't _you_ look glamorous?" Dorothy muses, when I stumble out of the bathroom.

I know that it's sarcasm because I'm completely aware that I don't look a bit glamorous. I saw my reflection in the mirror. I know what I look like right now. My eyes are puffy with dark smudges beneath them, a stark opposite to my pale skin. That alone is a horror.

Giving her a long, dull look, I mutter: "Please, Dorothy, don't start. I could barely sleep last night."

She simply hums and slips past me into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. I stare at the door, surprised. I was _sure_ she'd ask why but I'm glad she didn't. I hope she won't think to by the time she finishes her shower.

Heaving a sigh, I towel my hair dry before brushing it back into a loose bun. After tossing all night I came to the conclusion that I have to split from Dorothy and her grandiose schemes. Considering Heero won't become heterosexual just because I want him to, the right thing for me to do is fix what I've done and I have to do so on my own. If I let Dorothy know anything about it, she'll immediately start plotting how to help—after laughing at me and/or berating me for my lack of drive, of course. I know from experience that this will cause more harm than good. I have to figure out a way to keep her oblivious, which will be almost impossible considering she's incredibly nosy. That, amidst figuring out how I'm going to fix all this will keep me very busy…

By the time she emerges from the shower, however, I'm ready to get started. As expected, the first question out of Dorothy's mouth is: "So what's on your agenda today?"

"I'm going to help Heero," I reply, because that's exactly what I intend to do… just not in a way she expects.

"How so?" she asks—again, predictably. I _did_ mention she's nosy. She gives me an analyzing stare that makes me want to fidget. It's not like I'm going to do anything _wrong…_ In fact, I'm pretty sure it's the only right thing I've done since I came to this town. Granted, I still don't like it, but my conscience won't let me rest otherwise.

"I'm going to help him figure out the picture incident." I allow myself a lie just this once.

"Oh?"

I nod. It occurs to me that she needs to be kept busy if she is to stay out of my way. "Yes… perhaps you can help. I know you have contacts that Heero nor I would dare use-"

"I think I should be offended right now," she sniffs.

I don't know how to respond to that. I spoke the truth, after all. There are people she knows that only she could get away with knowing unscathed.

She gives me another one of her peculiar stares and then rolls her eyes, sighing dramatically. "All right. I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything. I'm pretty sure there are a few of my contacts that wouldn't like a grumpy ex-Gundam pilot on their tails."

I manage a smile and thank her, relieved that it was so easy to distract her. Grabbing a light sweater, I head out the door, telling her to phone me if she gets any leads. Stevenson is at his usual post outside my door. He gives me a questioning look as I breeze past him.

"I'm going to talk to Duo," I explain the moment we're out of Dorothy's hearing range.

"The one who hit you with the magazine?"

I nod.

Stevenson gives me a hard look. "Have you lost _all_ reason?!"

"No," I reply irritably. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't act like I am crazy for trying to fix a mess I've created."

"However noble your intentions, _I'd_ appreciate it if you didn't willingly throw yourself to the wolves" is his equally irritable reply as we step into the elevator.

"I just want to fix this."

"It's PRs responsibility to fix any messes you create. In fact, I'd prefer if you'd leave that picture business to them in this case, considering you're getting involved in the lives of two very volatile men."

I sigh. "I know you speak for my best interest, but this is a personal matter. It's not something I wish to tangle PR in."

It's Stevenson's turn to sigh. He doesn't say anything more as we get off the elevator on Duo's floor.

I swallow hard as we approach his room. Maybe I'm just as crazy as Stevenson thinks. Here I am, going to talk to Duo, who would probably rather see me dead than standing at his door. Clenching my jaw, I force my shoulders to square. I will deal with this calmly and maturely no matter what behavior he chooses to throw at me.

With this thought in mind, I knock on the door. I have to knock a second time before he finally answers and he groans when he sees me. I nearly do the same, but out of sympathy. He looks exhausted and miserable. I did this? Oh, what am I saying? Of course I did…

"Duo," I say with a congenial nod.

"What do you want with me?" he mutters, bypassing any attempt at decency. "Isn't it a bit early to go home-wrecking?"

I ignore his comment. "I was hoping we could talk."

Exhaling loudly, he asks: "About what?"

"Heero."

Immediately, his face warps into an ugly scowl. "I don't want to talk about him." Scoffing, he tosses his head. "You've won. Just get out of here and go live your 'happily ever after'. Leave me in peace."

I stare at him stupidly. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you win!" he snaps. " What part don't you understand? How about I make it simple for you? I give up! Everyone would be happier anyway-"

"Everyone…?"

"I'm a guy. Heero's a guy. Hell, he's everyone's perfect goddamned white _knight! _And _you_, Miss Ex-Queen-of-the-World—how can I compete with that?! How can I compete with what everyone else in the world wants—what they all _expect?!_"

"What are you talking about?!" I demand, a bit more shrilly than I intended.

He stomps into his room and reappears a moment later, thrusting a magazine at me. I almost tell him I've seen the picture, considering he smacked me over the head with it, but the image that unfurls in my hands is a different one. In it, I'm sitting at a table, holding Heero's hand. Considering the outfit I'm wearing, it must've been taken last night, when I was trying to convince Heero _not_ to murder the photographer. Seeing the image now, and seeing Duo's face, I'm almost tempted to tell him to go ahead. Almost.

"Duo-"

"Get out of here! I don't want to see your stupid face!"

Rolling up the magazine in a swift motion, I smack him hard over the head with it. I swear this man brings out the worst in me! He is absolutely horrible! "Will you stop this childish name-calling?!"

With an appalled glare, he doesn't answer.

"I said I wanted to talk to you and that's just what I'll do, whether you like it or not!"

Crossing his arms over his chest, he responds with an angry huff. Now _this_ is mature…

I, however, will not be deterred. "Now… are you going to invite my bodyguard and me inside, or are we going to have this discussion in front of God and everyone?" Oh my… I sound like my mother.

Muttering what I'm sure is an obscenity under his breath, he steps aside and sharply gestures for the two of us to enter.

The room is surprisingly clean, if you ignore the broken lamp in the corner. Given his physical state, I expected worse—particularly since I'm almost positive he doesn't let the maid in to tidy up.

"Well?" Duo says impatiently, scowling at Stevenson and me. "I don't have all day. What do you have to talk about?"

Clearing an oversized hooded sweatshirt from a chair, I sit on the edge and fold my hands over my knee. "Well, firstly I want to talk about that picture. I think you're misinterpreting what it shows."

"Looks pretty fucking obvious to me," he gripes, glaring at the wall.

"Rags like this one produce fake stories all the time." I hold up the magazine and show him the picture. "_Surely_ you don't believe this means what they say it does."

"Are you crazy about Heero?"

Startled, I sputter out a "Well yes, but-"

"Did you kiss him?"

"Well—um—_yes_ but-"

"Then what am I _supposed_ to believe?!" he snaps, flinging a hand violently through the air. From the corner of my eye, I can see Stevenson's hand twitching towards his concealed gun. Discreetly, I gesture for him to stand down. He frowns, but obeys.

"You kiss and he didn't try to kill you afterwards? Do you know how _long_ it took me to get him to stop practically snapping my wrist in half when I touched him? And that's just _me!_ He still goes postal if someone touches him when he doesn't want it! And I'm just _supposed_ to believe you could kiss him with no consequences!?"

Well, it sounds positively awful when he puts it like that. Meekly, I nod.

He gives me a bitter laugh. "That's bullshit."

"Why do you say that? I'm telling the truth."

"Bullshit."

"You're impossible, do you know that?"

"It's how I got through life, baby," he snarls.

With an agitated sigh, I press my fingers to my temples. Though I didn't fool myself into thinking this would be easy by any means, it's going to be a _lot _harder than I had hoped.


	17. Chapter 17

**Replaced**

**Chapter 17:**

Duo glares broodingly at the picture of Heero and me on the magazine cover. Stevenson leans against the wall, eyes trained on Duo to catch any sudden movements. I simply remain in place, taking a moment to watch each man. The tension they are creating within this room is legendary. In fact, it's giving me quite the headache.

"Duo," I finally begin, breaking the silence and, hopefully, the tension. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That's a question right there," he grumbles. I've never met a more stubborn individual—and that _does_ include Dorothy and myself.

"Don't be ridiculous. You know what I meant."

With an exaggerated sigh of irritation, he makes a gesture for me to proceed.

"What is it you like about Heero?"

His head whips towards me so fast I'm surprised he doesn't get whiplash. It also startles Stevenson into reaching again for his gun. Once more, I have to wave him down. Honestly, that man is getting to be as twitchy as Heero is with a gun!

"Excuse me?" Duo asks.

"You're being difficult on purpose, Duo. You heard the question."

"Well then! If you're so all-knowing, shouldn't you know the answer?" he snarls.

"Stop that!"

"Why do you want to know so badly, anyway?"

"I just wanted to know!"

"Why? So you can fuck up our lives even _more?!_"

"Of course not! For God's sake, it was just a question!"

We both stare at each other, and it gives me the feeling of those staring contests between alpha dogs. Upon realization, I back down gracefully. This is becoming absolutely ridiculous. Sighing quietly, I get to my feet. I can see that talking to him will get me nowhere at this time. "Forget it. Stevenson, I'm leaving."

As I head for the door, Duo suddenly asks: "What do _you_ see in him?"

I glance back at him. "Me?"

He nods He's facing the table, but I can see his gaze flicks in my direction once or twice.

I take a moment to think about how to put my answer together. Of course he's very good looking, though I don't judge a man by looks alone. He's strong and smart and incredibly brave and has a good heart. Under that gruff exterior, I know he's a warm and gentle person; I've seen glimpses of it before. I tell Duo all of this.

"What makes you think I'd like him for anything less?" he asks when I finish. "Of course, you forgot stubborn and impatient and funny… and fucking perfect…" He drifts off, staring at the table for a moment.

"Duo…"

Scrubbing the back of his hand over his eyes, he grumbles. "You were leaving, weren't you?"

I just frown, watching him.

"Get out of here!" His voice cracks a little.

As if he could expect me to leave him alone like this. I cross the room and crouch down in front of him. His eyes are red and watery, like he might cry. It doesn't take a genius to see he misses Heero terribly. I reach out to take his hand, but he pulls away with a scoff.

"Go play in your fairytale castle, Relena. I'd rather not make a further ass out of myself in front of you and your precious bodyguard." The old bite is returning to his voice.

"Firstly, I don't have a fairytale castle, thank you. Secondly, I'm not going to leave you to wallow in your misery."

"I'll get over it."

"Duo…"

Exhaling loudly, he crosses his arms over his chest and thrusts himself back in his chair angrily. "You weren't supposed to know about that side to him."

"What?"

"It was only supposed to be for _me_ to see. Because he trusted me above everyone else!" His voice is taking on a shrill quality.

"So… you are jealous because he doesn't treat me with the same coldness he treats everyone else?"

"No," he grumbles. The tone of his voice is defiant and I know I've hit a sore spot.

"That's what it sounds like to me."

"Shut up."

At that I have to bite back a smile. His attachment to Heero is sweet—it really is—though it begs the question of why they let this fiasco separate them in the first place. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Whatever."

I give him a stern look. I certainly do believe him when he said he got through life being impossible. It makes me wonder what Heero saw (or sees) in him. Perhaps he likes a challenge? "You care a lot for Heero, right?" His only response is a grunt but I won't be deterred. "Why did you go to that nightclub with Dorothy?"

He shrugs.

When he doesn't elaborate, I prompt him further. "Perhaps… perhaps you're attracted to Dorothy?"

He gives me a horrified look. "Fuck no!"

Ignoring his poor choice in language, I persist. "Then why did you go with her?"

Again, he shrugs. "I just… Heero doesn't like going out to public places a lot, okay? But sometimes… I like to go out and party and have a good time. With him, of course. Takes the edge off, you know? And well… he'll indulge my whims occasionally but sometimes he has a bad time and it ends up making the night miserable for him, if not for both of us. I've wanted to check out Magyk for a long time, but Heero wasn't so keen on the idea. So when Crazy Bitch-" I frown at his choice of name for my friend. "-called and told me that she was bored because you were who-knew-where and wanted to know if I wanted to go to Magyk with her, I thought 'why not?' I figured I could see if it was remotely enjoyable. Maybe if I liked it enough, I could get Heero to come and he'd enjoy it to. I have a general idea of the things that turn him off on our dates." He fixes a bitter look on me. "I didn't go with her because it was _her._ And I didn't expect him to be there with _you_ when he wouldn't even go with _me._"

Biting back the urge to apologize, considering I've finally gotten him to talk (though I'm well aware that apologies are in order eventually), I stand and pull up a chair across from him and ask why he didn't tell Heero all of this.

"You don't think I tried? You think I'm stupid or something? That I'd just _let_ this fall apart? If you bothered to listen, I already _told_ you that he was stubborn as fuck. He thought he knew what he saw and he was too—too _stupid_ to listen to anything otherwise."

I sit back in the chair I'd taken up, mentally recapping what he told me. What Duo thought when he saw Heero with me sounds similar to what he thinks Heero reckoned. That, of course, begs the question of why Heero went with me when he wouldn't go with his own lover. Not to mention the fact that _he_ kissed _me _when he dropped me off (something that I think would be wise to keep from Duo at this point, if I wish to live). All of this is something I will figure out when I stop to see Heero.

"Duo?"

"What?"

"I… I want to help."

He sighs loudly and gives me a long stare. "Help what?"

"I want to help you get back with Heero." It is, after all, my fault they separated in the first place.

With a bitter-sounding laugh, he shakes his head. "What makes you think that if he won't listen to me, he'd listen to you?"

Does he really want me to say it? After all, Duo was the one who told me that Heero showed me a side that he'd only shown him. Perhaps that will help my cause significantly.

As if reading my thoughts, he shakes his head again. "Never mind. I don't want to hear it." Pushing his chair onto its back legs, he folds his hands behind his head. "Fine. Do what you want. 'S not like I would be able to stop you otherwise. But don't come bawling to me when Heero decides to blow your head off or something. And I _don't_ mean in the good sense."

I decide right there that I don't want to know what 'the good sense' is, though I think I already do. I prefer to do without the visuals, thank you.

"Could you tell me where he lives then? Or some place I could find him?"

Duo gives me a skeptical look but finally writes down an address on a scrap napkin.

I stand, taking the address, and bid a very bullheaded Duo farewell. Now it's onward to Heero's.

"Just so you know… if I see any more of these damned pictures, nothing in the world he could say would make a difference."

"Duo-"

"Want that in writing?"

With a patient sigh, I shake my head. "Let's go, Stevenson." I hope that, despite his general inability to communicate effectively, Heero will be easier to deal with. However, I won't hold my breath.

--

I'm surprised to find that Duo and Heero actually own a small house when I expected a small apartment. It's a quaint little single-story abode, though there is nothing terribly remarkable about it considering they are the masterminds behind The Grass Skirt. It's oatmeal colored and reddish brick with hunter green 'shutters' and front door. An attractive bay window is to the left of the door and an attached two-car garage to the right. There is a small porch featuring a graying porch swing and a couple of mismatched outdoors chairs arranged around a small table.

Exchanging a curious glance with Stevenson, we head up the front walk. I feel as though I'm in some alternate reality. Is this really Heero and Duo's home? Steeling myself for the unknown, I knock on the door. After a brief wait, the door swings open and Heero stands before me, face stern. I try not to show how he startled me.

"How did you find out my place of residence?" he asks, eyes darting up and down the sidewalk. I wonder if he's always this edgy.

"How are you this morning, Heero?" I press, hoping for _some _attempt at a pleasant start to my morning.

"Fine. Answer the question."

I sigh. It was all in vain. "Forget that for a moment, Heero. I would like to talk with you."

"It better be about that damned photographer and where he or she is hiding." He steps aside and lets my bodyguard and me inside.

I guess that means he saw the second photograph.


	18. Chapter 18

**Replaced**

**Chapter 18:**

Stevenson and I shed our shoes at the door as per Heero's instructions and walk into a neatly cluttered living room. Despite the obvious oxymoron, that's the only way I can describe it: neat clutter. The walls are a very peaceful sage and a soft, ivory carpet squashes beneath my feet. Heero plops onto an old, comfortable looking brown sofa and I take seat in the ridiculously mismatched chair next to him. Papers are scattered all over a battered coffee table that also supports his laptop, an empty coffee mug, and a plate with a plate of barely-touched scrambled eggs that are congealing.

"Have you been up all night with this?" I ask.

Heero grunts in response to my question, tapping quietly away on the keys of his laptop. I take that as a yes.

Gingerly, I pull a sheet of paper from the mess. On it is a disorganized array of illegible scribbles. I recognize it as a method of brainstorming. Frowning, I tilt the paper a little. Is that a 'g' or a 'w'?

"You said you wanted to talk with me?" he finally says, with a touch of impatience in his voice.

"Yes." I pause then, pressing my fingertips together as I try to figure out the best way to approach the subject.

Unfortunately, patience is not something Heero has in excess today. I'm not sure he _ever_ has much of it in excess. "About?"

I suppose I should just plow through it. I've already found out that he is not one for beating around the bush. "Duo."

With a weary exhalation, he looks at me. "What about him?"

"You still love him, don't you?" It's not so much a question but a confirmation of my suspicion.

"Well, that likely doesn't matter now, does it?" he asks, suddenly angry, picking up the latest magazine and waving it at me before slapping it down on the table again.

"Don't start jumping to conclusions. That's what got you into this mess."

He gives me a look. "He was at a nightclub with that—that war-crazy _friend_ of yours all over him. And he sure as hell wasn't fighting her off. I know what I saw. What else am I supposed to think?"

I tilt my head briefly. He… he _can't_ be… "Heero, I don't know much about Duo but I know this much: he's about as straight as a circle. Why would he be attracted to Dorothy in the first place?"

With a shrug, he mutters, "Why was he attracted to _me_ in the first place?"

Who _wouldn't_ be attracted to Heero? "You mean you haven't discussed this with him?"

Heero gives me a weird look, as if telling me I'm crazy for thinking that it was same to ask one's lover why he or she liked you. "No."

Men can be so stupid sometimes. "You haven't even figured it out?"

He gives me another weird look. Yes, I get it. He thinks I'm crazy.

With a sigh, I plow on. "Why do you think he wouldn't be attracted to you?"

For a long while Heero is quiet as he thinks. He even sits back from his computer, brow furrowed in a completely endearing way. "He's… vibrant. Intelligent. Inventive. Strong. Talkative. Disorganized. Stubborn. Loving. Beautiful…"

I can't help but smile. The expression on his face is absolutely dear. It's a little sad, yes, because I wish he'd say such things about me, but I know he won't. I am woman enough to be happy that he _can_ say it about someone.

"My personality clashes with his."

It clashes if he ignores how very similar they are. I recall a few of the things Duo said he liked about Heero.

Drawing in a deep breath, he exhales forcefully. "Everyone who meets him likes him."

Well _that_ is a matter of opinion. I don't exactly hate Duo but I don't like him either. I know we'll never even be friends and I have no real desire to be one. However, this is not about me so I don't bother to correct him.

"There are people better suited to him than I am."

Oh goodness, it really _is_ exactly as I thought. Heero is completely insecure about where he stands with Duo. I never thought I'd see such a side to him; it's something I'm sure Duo would be livid about, with his desire to be the only person privy to Heero's soul and such.

Well, upon this observation I know one thing they have in common: the two of them are completely dense in regards to each other. Neither seems to be aware of just how strongly the other feels for him. Did they never talk about this? I know a lot of men don't like discussing feelings because it's not _macho_, but aren't gay men supposed to be above that kind of barbarianism?

Ah… I guess it's wrong of me to stereotype. I don't know Duo well enough, of course, but Heero was never the discusser of emotions—at least not to me. He always had to hide everything during the war. Thinking about it, it would probably be unnatural for him to start now.

"Heero, you don't know that."

"I do."

"No. You don't."

He gives me a surprised look.

"Yes, I'm arguing with you! I'm a master of debate so don't think you'll win."

Looking away, he grunts.

"Now, first, you need to talk to Duo-"

"No. First I need to find that photographer and destroy him or her."

I ignore the concerned glance Stevenson throws me. Heero won't destroy any photographer because I won't let him!

"Heero, it's a couple of pictures with words written on them in a _gossip_ magazine!"

"And people _do _believe these things! I won't tolerate this!"

"Heero," I begin evenly, "I know you're upset but you are letting this get out of hand. Are you saying that I am so deplorable that you can't stand to even be involved in some silly mix-up?"

"I—what? I—no, of course not."

"Then stop obsessing over it!" I slap my hand on the arm of the chair to emphasize my vehemence. I try not to wince at the zing of pain that shoots through my hand.

His eyes widen briefly and then narrow into a glare. He makes an interesting growling noise in the back of his throat that makes me think of an angry cat. I would laugh if the situation weren't so precariously balanced on the line of sanity.

What am I going to do with them? They're both stubborn as mules! Helplessly, I glance at Stevenson, but all he offers me is a shrug. Part of me wishes I dragged Dorothy along after all. Despite the fact she helped me create this monster, I'm sure she would talk enough circles around him to make him forget about his quest to murder the photographer.

No, Relena. You have to learn how to fix these unpleasant mistakes yourself! You're a up-and-coming world leader!

Massaging my temples (and feeling that the day has been _far_ too long already despite the fact that it's not even noon), I take a deep breath and force myself to calm down. "All right, so let's back up a bit. You think you know what was going on with Duo at that nightclub. Can you explain why you agreed to go with _me?_"

After a long pause, his glare eases a little and he shrugs. "Duo likes to go out. Likes to have a good time. After all the chaos from the war and even the years leading up to it, I don't blame him." Heero shifts his weight on the sofa and glares at a spot on the wall. "Anyway, he's wanted to go since the club opened. I didn't, because… well, I don't know. That kind of place often sets me on edge. He knows that. And I know that wasn't fair to him. So when you asked, I thought it'd be a good chance to scope the premises. If I was comfortable enough with it, I could bring him without ruining the evening for either of us. And with you there with me I wouldn't get hassled by other club-goers."

At this point, I want to smack my head on the coffee table. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Their reasoning for going with someone else to that dratted nightclub is exactly the same! How on _Earth_ could they not think the other was doing the same?! The sheer stupidity of the situation makes me want to laugh in disbelief.

Abruptly, I stand. I need to leave before the urge to smack Heero (and then find and smack Duo) overwhelms me.

"I will see you later, Heero," I say crisply, marching out the door. He doesn't respond, but that's all right. I'm trying to process too much. If he spoke, I just might go crazy.

"They are idiots, the both of them!" I say as Stevenson catches up with me on the sidewalk. My voice is horribly shrill but I can't seem to stop it. "Explain this to me, please, and _very_ clearly. I don't know much about Duo, so I can't speak for him but how is it—how can a man as wonderful and intelligent as Heero be such an _idiot?!_"

"Love can turn even the smartest man into a fool," Stevenson replies dryly.

That's the truth if I've ever heard it.

I sigh heavily, suddenly feeling so _tired_. "Well, now I have to figure out how to get them _past_ their blinding stupidity so they'll _talk _to each other. You know, men really need to take a course on expressing their emotions. They could avoid all of this if they just _talked_ to one another about how they felt!"

"Don't you think you've helped enough? This isn't your responsibility."

I give him a brief smile. "Your comment about love making men stupid goes for women as well, don't you know?"

Stevenson opens his mouth to reply but thinks better of it and closes it again with a sigh.

With my newly gathered information (not limited to the fact that both Heero and Duo are being complete baboons), I head to the park to provide a refreshing change of scenery whilst I think. There _must_ be a way in which I can make them see eye to eye.


	19. Chapter 19

**Replaced**

**Chapter 19:**

"I suppose you've seen the latest picture?" Dorothy chirps, joining Stevenson and me outside the café we were lunching at. I don't quite know how she found me, but I'm not at all surprised she managed it.

"Picture?" I echo blankly, swirling the little straw around in my vanilla latte. I've been preoccupied with male stupidity and how I could possibly cure the world of this problem once I take my position for real as a politician. So far I've entertained the ideas of mass brainwashing through subliminal messages, enforced group therapy, and banishing all men to a single colony. I'd rather not do any of them, naturally, but desperate times just might call for desperate measures…

"Of course. You and Soldier Boy fondly caressing each other-"

"_Excuse_ me?" I yelp. Well… she got my attention there because I don't remember caressing anyone, fondly or otherwise!

She slaps down the magazine that Duo showed me earlier. Ah… so that's what she's talking about.

"Yes. Yes, I've seen it, but I wouldn't call it 'fondly caressing'. I was touching his hand."

"And?"

"And… what?"

"What happened?"

"Um… nothing?"

Dorothy sighs, slumping dramatically into the chair across from me. "Relena Relena Re_lena!_"

"What what _what?_"

"Nothing. I just felt like expressing my exasperation." She casts Stevenson a sidelong glance. "Guard-man, would you be a doll and fetch me a medium cinnamon latte with an extra shot of espresso?"

"Dorothy, he's not a servant."

"Well, of course he isn't. But I do wish to engage in a bit of _girl_ talk."

If Stevenson could've shot from his chair faster than the speed of light, I'm sure he would've done so.

"Men are _so_ easy," she murmurs with a tone of amusement, watching him head inside. "Even if they are bodyguards."

I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't. "So… what is the girl talk about?" I prompt.

"Oh, nothing." Her tone is lofty, mirrored by her hand flitting through the air. "I just wanted him to get me my drink."

I have to laugh. She's absolutely impossible.

Leaning forward, she gives off the air of conspiracy. "So… how did things go with your dear, cranky soldier?"

"Well… he's being obstinate, as usual."

"That's new," she remarks dryly.

I hum in amusement, shaking my head.

"I take it he saw the picture?"

I sigh and take a sip of my latte. "Yes," I finally reply. He saw it, as did Duo, and probably the rest of the world. I'm beginning to wish that the two of us were regular, everyday people so we could go through this triangle drama out of the public eye.

"And?"

"What do you think? He wasn't pleased."

"What about Wonder Boy?"

"What _about_ him?" I give her a shrewd look. "Why are you so curious about it?"

She shrugs. "Just want to enjoy the fruits of my labor." My shrewd look is challenged and promptly put into place one of shrewdness only a Catalonia can achieve. "Does that mean you've spoken with him?"

Feeling as if she's trying to corner me into admitting something, I take another sip of my latte and tell her, quite firmly, that I don't wish to discuss this any further.

Dorothy opens her mouth as if in attempt to continue regardless of my request, but Stevenson reappears with her latte and she smiles instead. Accepting the drink with a gleeful hum, she takes a sip and we are granted a moment's reprieve. Unfortunately, it's only a moment.

"Ah, that hits the spot." Setting her mug down, she gives me a once over. "So, what are you planning now?"

"I… I don't know."

With an exasperated sigh, she shakes her head. "Relena, do you expect me to figure out _everything?_ You're going into the world of politics. Granted, you'll hopefully have a team of well-educated advisors at your disposal, but decision-making and planning are largely going to be up to you!"

"Dorothy, this and that are two vastly different things."

"Only if you choose to see it that way." She sips her latte again. "All right then. Why not ask him out again?" Her hand flits loftily through the air. "You might as well start establishing a more solid relationship."

I open my mouth to argue and then snap it shut again when an idea strikes me. That's it. That's how I'll get them back together. Well, I hope it will work, anyway. I'll have to somehow trick _both_ boys into meeting me somewhere. Maybe seeing each other will open up some dialogue between them.

This is not a method I'd terribly like to employ, but, with the prideful way they're behaving, I don't think they'd agree to anything more straightforward. I think they're both waiting for the other to crack first. Of course, there's probably only a fifty percent chance it'd work. Even if I got Heero to agree to meet me anywhere, getting Duo to do the same will probably be ten times more difficult.

Men can be so stupid. The idea of locking them all away on a colony is starting to sound more and more appealing.

So I now have a solution to my conundrum. To think Dorothy helped me without even realizing it! I smile at her. "I think I'll do just that."

Taking another blissful sip of her drink, she shakes her head. "Though why you couldn't figure that out on your own is beyond me."

"Well, sometimes a girl needs the obvious pointed out to her." I do admit that I often look so far into the future that I forget to look at what's under my nose.

--

After much mental debate (and verbal debate from Stevenson, who doesn't like Duo at _all_), I decided to talk to Duo first. After all, it will be pointless to convince Heero to go if I can't get Duo to agree to go.

Once again, Stevenson accompanies me to his hotel room. Taking a deep breath, steeling myself for whatever onslaught he could throw at me, I knock. After nearly a minute of waiting, the door swings open. Duo hangs off it with a vapid smile on his face.

"Relena! Who's my bitch, huh? Woo!" Leaning forward he topples in my direction. Hastily, Stevenson steps between us and catches him before he hits the ground.

Duo giggles. _Giggles!_ "Nice catch, man!" he shouts, staggering to his feet.

Leaning forward, I take a careful sniff of the air around him. The sour stench of alcohol hovers around him. "Duo, are you _drunk?_"

"Completely!" He flings an arm out that sends him spinning off-balance and this time both Stevenson and I catch him. Together, we drag him by the arms back into his room.

Though I don't really like the drunken behavior, I have to admit that this cheerful version is more pleasant than the last time I encountered him inebriated. After dumping him onto his bed, I head for the little kitchenette to get him a glass of water. Duo belts out some vulgar Irish pub song, loudly and off-key. Stevenson stands watch, wincing each time he hits a particularly high note.

I return and hand Duo the glass of water, giving Stevenson an apologetic look. Duo drinks the entire glass in one breath. Then he flops back against the bed. The glass flings from his hand with the motion and it shatters as it hits the wall. I cringe. He laughs and rolls onto his stomach.

"So what brings you to my humble abode." He drags out the 'o' in a very obnoxious way.

"I just wanted to talk," I begin, clearing a pair of jeans off the chair I sat upon earlier that day.

"Sounds nice," he says congenially.

I smile. This might be easier than I first thought. "Our… relationship started off a bit rough."

"Uh-huh." He rolls onto his back, feet stuck in the air. His head flops over the edge of his bed and he gives me a look that reminds me of a mischievous puppy. It's kind of cute.

"I like to start over. I think we could be friends. Do you think that would be possible?"

"I'm _so _drunk!" he shouts, laughing as he rolls right off the bed.

I give a yelp of surprise. He pops up a moment later, laughing hysterically. "Hell _yeah!_"

"Duo?"

"Mm?" He clambers back onto the bed.

"Perhaps we could talk better over dinner tomorrow?" I ask. By then he should be sober. He might be nursing a hangover, of course, but that should be okay. Maybe it will prevent him from arguing with Heero.

"Yeah!"

I give him a curious look. Did he even _listen_ to me? "Duo?"

"Dinner tomorrow! Yum! You're buying, right?"

With a sigh, I nod. "Right, Duo." I get to my feet. "So… I'll see you tomorrow then? 6:00?"

"At dinner! Woo!" He rolls right off the bed again. "Ouch! Not so fun the second time!"

Exchanging an amused look with Stevenson, we slip out of the room unnoticed.

"That went surprisingly well," I muse.

"If you take into account that he probably won't remember considering how drunk he was," Stevenson points out.

"I have a feeling he will remember." Now all I have to do is convince Heero to show up and shouldn't be too hard.

--

"No."

"Heero-"

"I said no."

I huff in irritation. "Why not?!"

"I don't want to give this _spy_ any more ammunition!"

"You met with me before!"

"I was stupid then."

I glare at the wall because I can't glare at him (seeing as I'm on the phone with him). "_Excuse_ me?"

"You know what I mean."

"Knowing or not knowing, that was still an incredibly rude thing to say!"

"The answer is still no." He then hangs up on me.

Huffing once more, I snap my phone closed. Now what will I do?


	20. Chapter 20

**Replaced**

_AN: Just a couple chapters left! … I think!_

**Chapter 20:**

"Stevenson, how do you get a man to go to dinner when he doesn't want to?" I ask with a frown as I pick my sandwich. "Aside from drugging or bodily harm, of course…"

"Every person susceptible to different forms of persuasion, so I can't guarantee the success of anything in particular aside from the two you've nixed. Of course, there's always the truth," Stevenson replies, taking a bite out of his own sandwich.

"Yes, there is…" I drum my chin with my fingertips. "How likely do you think it is that he'd agree after hearing the truth?"

He shrugs almost immediately. "You know him better than I."

"I do… However, there are multiple facets to his personality. He _could_ agree to go. He could let pride get the better of him and refuse to ever listen to me again. He could just ignore me." I glance at my bodyguard, childishly wishing he had all the answers I wanted to hear. "You're skilled at guessing response from observed behavior. Which do you think is more likely?"

"He's a former Gundam pilot. They are known for the unexpected. I don't think you can box him up as one of the general populace, as much as you, and maybe they, want."

I sigh, feeling a little irritated with that truth. "I guess not." It's even more irritating to know that Dorothy would likely have the answer.

I'd really rather not have to knock him unconscious to get him to go. I have a feeling he would wake up rather like a bear after months of hibernation—extremely irritably.

--

I find myself attending the dinner with Duo by myself—if you don't count Stevenson, who has claimed a station to observe both our table and the entire restaurant by the door to the kitchen. It's obvious by his absence that I couldn't get a hold of Heero all last night nor today. I do think he's ignoring me now.

How childish can a man get? I should've swallowed my pride and hit him over the head.

Maybe I was foolish not to trust him with the truth, but with this avoidance I couldn't tell him my plans even if I wanted.

I approach the table Duo's seated at, noting that he looks a little green. He's still suffering from a hangover, I'd guess.

"Hello Duo," I say, taking the chair across from him. "I'm surprised you came." The fact that he showed up despite his dislike of me is a sign that he is willing to be more accommodating than Heero. Armed with that knowledge, I formulate a new plan.

"So'm I," he mumbles, slumping a little further in his chair. I'm strongly reminded of a petulant child. I resist the motherly urge to tell him to sit straight. He's a grown man (sort of). He can sit how he pleases. Besides, he won't change his ways just to please me. He dislikes me, remember?

"Well, thank you."

He simply hums in resignation.

I order a virgin strawberry daiquiri from the garçon that arrives and then look squarely at Duo. "I meant what I said last night. I believe we've started off on the wrong foot-"

"Yeah, with you stealing my lover and all-"

"That's—!" I snap my mouth shut again. He's trying to rile me up on purpose. Taking a deep breath, I continue evenly. "Listen, I don't want to argue with you. I really _would_ like to be friends, or at least get to a point in this… unique relationship we share where we can be amicable to one another." I ignore him when he snorts. "Despite my previous actions, I would… I would like to help you and Heero reunite."

"Good luck with that. He's more stubborn than I am," Duo mutters.

"Tell me about it," I have to agree. "He was supposed to come as well but he… declined. Obviously."

He arched his brow at me. "Did you tell him I was coming?"

"No. I felt, maybe mistakenly, that it was more prudent not to do so."

"No… at least you had it right." He sighs loudly, setting his elbow on the table and propping his chin on his hand. "He probably would've refused to come if he'd known. He's a dumbass when he's mad."

"Oh? You _aren't?_"

"Shut up!"

I tilt my head, watching him for a moment. His expression is tight, as if he's in pain but trying to hide it… or perhaps he just needs to vomit. Either is possible at this particular time. "Would you balk at meeting with Heero?" I finally ask.

"I… no. I guess not." He makes a face and then harrumphs loudly enough to draw a few glares from the neighboring tables. "I can tell him what an ass he's being."

"That you're both being," I amend for him. "It takes two to argue."

"He could argue with a tree."

Why do I get the feeling that Duo's the same way? It's quite possibly because he's one of the most contradictory, infuriating people I've ever met…

"Why do you want to help us?" he finally asks.

I sigh, feeling my face color. "Well, you know I don't like conflict and, unfortunately, I _am_ a big part of the problem."

"And by part you mean 'cause of'," he supplies thinly.

My face gets a little hotter. "Well… part of the cause," I admit. "Anyway, I can't simply leave it at that. Of course, there is also the fact that, despite what you may think, Heero would never love me the way he so obviously loves you."

"Che."

"It's true! If you two could let go of your childish pride and actually spend a few minutes _communicating_, you'd see it." I pause in my lecture so we can order dinner. "Anyway," I continue when the garçon leaves, "I am mature enough to accept this fact, even though I don't really want to. It's not easy to give up my feelings but… I can accept it."

"That's… that's surprising," Duo finally says. "I always thought you'd chase him to the ends of the universe."

I blush again. "Well… if you two ever end your relationship on something that I _didn't_ spawn, I… who knows, I just might start up again." I probably wouldn't because Heero is the sort of man who wouldn't change his opinions of his relationship with me, but a girl can dream.

Duo laughs out loud, surprising me. I didn't think it was that funny, but it's a nice sound to hear. He has a very pleasant laugh, when malice isn't behind it.

"Besides, I don't know or understand him the way you do. The two of you have a unique bond-"

"War is kind of a crappy kind of bond to share, 'Lena."

"Well yes, but it's there. You know what the other went through. You can support each other in ways I couldn't. And it's _Re_lena."

He shrugs.

I return his shrug with one of my own. It's up to him to believe me or not.

With that, silence reigns between us, filling me with a sense of discomfort. He fiddles with a slice of the soft bread on the table, tearing it to pieces and squashing the pieces into little doughy balls. Whether he intends to eat them, I don't know. I take a sip of drink and twirl the slim straw in the glass, resisting a second urge to tell him to stop playing with his food.

"So…" he begins, just as awkward as the silence had been, "what are you planning? To fix this, I mean. Calling me out here, telling me all this… I assume you have a plan?"

"Well, I have the skeleton of a plan. I'll need a way to get Heero to actually show up though."

"Cry."

I give Duo a curious look.

He smirks at a private memory. "He freaks out when people cry. He'll do whatever you say just to get you to stop."

I press my fingers to my lips thoughtfully. That just might work. Anyway, it's better than anything I can come up with, particularly since Duo confirmed my suspicion that Heero would be stubborn for stubbornness' sake.

"So, are you going to give me an idea of what kind of devious plot you're hoping to put into action?"

"It's not _devious._" I give him a critical look. He doesn't look convinced. "All right… perhaps it's _slightly_ devious. How do you feel about going to Magyk again?"

--

It is late when I return from the restaurant. Duo and I had stayed almost until closing, talking, figuring out the details to this plan of mine… and arguing. He, too, can argue with a tree, I _swear_.

Dorothy is on her phone as I step through the door and she gives me a distracted wave. "I told you I'll talk to you when I know more. Honestly!" She snaps the phone shut and says to me: "Men are impossible!" There is no need to tell me _that. _She then arches a brow at me. "Well, you don't look completely disheveled so clearly you aren't sexing up your Soldier Boy."

"Dorothy!"

"So where _have _you been?" she continues, ignoring my indignant tone.

"I was out. Is that not allowed?"

She holds up her hands in a defensive gesture. "Just curious. Though you sound awfully guilty," she muses in a sing-song tone. Leaning forward, she gives me a shrewd look. "You've been up to something."

"Well, you aren't my mother, are you?"

"You _have!_ What have you been doing, Relena dear?"

I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You know I'll find out."

Sadly, this is true. She knows how to find out information about anything. She probably would've made a good Gundam pilot, back in the war. With a sigh, I slump into the chair at the small desk and kick off my shoes. "Then you'll just have to figure it out." Knowing she'll figure it out anyway isn't enough to break me.

"Someone's stubborn this evening."

I smile a little. "Sometimes you have to be."

After giving me a measured look, she smiles as well. "It's about time. Well, did you even _see _Soldier Boy today?"

"I'd rather not talk about it right now," is my evasive reply. Already she's snooping for information. Wiggling some feeling back into my toes, I stand only to flop across the bed. "How about we watch a terribly-made 'chick flick' and indulge in what's left of our ice cream?"

"If you indulge too much, Relena, you'll get fat," Dorothy points out, but she's already scanning the channel listings on the television for an appropriate movie. "And just so you know, you can't hide anything from me. I was being quite truthful when I said I'll find out eventually."

"I know."


	21. Chapter 21

**Replaced**

**Chapter 21:**

Dorothy disappeared early in the morning, leaving me in peace to contemplate the plan to get Heero to show up at Magyk. Duo expects me to walk up to Heero and get hysterical and cry over some sort of 'problem only a girl would understand'. Ignoring that sexist comment, it leaves me wondering whether I can I even cry on demand? To start, I'm not the sort of girl who dissolves into tears easily. I guess I could fake it if I had no other choice. I just can't vouch for the authenticity.

Then there's the problem with it actually working. Duo is fully convinced it will. He knows Heero better than I do, so I suppose it's possible. Yet I have less faith in this plan's success. After all, if Heero was the sort to be moved by tears, he probably wouldn't have made it as a Gundam pilot. It makes sense, right? Someone could've figured out his weakness and turned it against him. Then again, someone would have had to get close enough to him to figure out that weakness. As he mostly seemed operate from within his Gundam or otherwise far away from any prying eyes during the war, Heero was probably never really exposed to someone else's tears on the battlefield. Maybe it's more plausible than I thought. I guess the only thing to do is try.

Unfortunately, that thought doesn't stop the butterflies from taking residence in my stomach. I don't know why it's so nerve-wracking. Very little scares me. Things intimidate me, of course, but I don't let them stop me from doing what needs to be done. Yet I'm fully prepared to let this stop me.

Pull yourself together, Relena! You won't accomplish anything unless you take the first step!

It's around lunchtime as I leave the hotel, with Stevenson in tow, and head for Heero's house for what will probably be the last time. Duo wasn't sure where he'd be, either at the restaurant or at home, so I chose 'home' first. I'd really rather not have to fall to pieces (fake or not) in front of an audience. As a female politician of the future, I _do_ have a reputation to uphold.

Unfortunately, as the two of us approach the house, I notice there is no vehicle in the driveway. Drat. Still, I march up to the front door and knock. There could be many reasons the car is gone—none that are very likely, of course, but it can't hurt to try… or hope and pray.

"He's not home," Stevenson says unnecessarily when I knock a second time to no response.

I groan. "I know… I'm simply hoping that with enough wishful thinking, he'll magically appear."

He snorts in response.

When it becomes apparent that the world won't alter itself to suit me, I turn away, highly disappointed. Well, onward to The Grass Skirt. Being the standard lunch-hour, the restaurant is probably swarming with business men and women, groups of friends, and other such patrons. I start to dread this even more than before. Maybe this is karma. I chose to try to break Heero and Duo apart and now Fate has decided to humiliate me. I probably I deserve it.

"When this is over, I think I want to go home," I tell Stevenson as we cross the street. The anxiety builds.

"That sounds like a good idea," he replies, eyeing a group of young men who walk by.

Sighing, I shake my head.

After nearly half an hour of walking in companionable silence, we finally reach the quaint restaurant. Swallowing hard, I glance at Stevenson. There is little reassurance from him as he looks as professional as ever. I stare at the entrance so long that a couple jostles me aside to get through.

I guess this is it.

With a deep breath, I enter the restaurant. I walk past the host—the same obnoxious boy I saw the first time I came—and head into the dining area. A quick glance around tells me that Heero is not there. That leaves the kitchen. I'm grateful for the smaller audience.

Well… this is it. I take a deep breath, trying desperately to still my nerves. The sooner I finish this the better. I push my way into the kitchen more confidently than I had the first time, though I don't actually _feel _it. Steam and bodies block my view, but over the din of clanking and sizzling and rattling, I hear a familiar voice unleashing a blistering diatribe on some unlucky soul. I can't keep from wincing. That would be Heero.

Following the sound of the angry voice, I wend my way through bodies and stoves to find Heero dismissing his terrified victim. The poor boy looks on the verge of tears as he brushes past me.

Swallowing hard, I ask: "Bad day?"

Heero whirls, snapping a butcher knife off the nearby counter before I can even blink. The action causes me to start and Stevenson to draw his gun.

"Heero Yuy, put that knife down!" I snap. Is he trying to _kill_ someone?!

"You startled me," he says flatly. The knife still glints menacingly in his hand. Why in the world hasn't he put it down yet?!

"So you will pull a knife on _anyone_ who startles you?" As I stare at it in shock, I suddenly realize he's given me the perfect opening to 'cry over some reason only a female would understand'. I sniffle audibly. "I come here with the hopes that I can spend a bit of time with one of my _few_ friends my last night in town, and you pull a _knife_ on me?!" My tone takes on an appropriately shrill quality. Beside me, even Stevenson stops short, and _he_ knows of the plan.

"I told you I was—"

"Do you hate me _that_ much, Heero?" I blubber. I pull up the memory of my father's tragic death and tears work their way into my eyes. I feel so dirty playing this way, but I've sullied myself already. A little more unfortunately won't make much of a difference. Of course, it doesn't make the guilt of using my father's memory in this way any less obvious.

"I said—are you crying, Relena?"

I turn away, dabbing my eyes. "No, of course not." I sniffle and hiccup. My shoulders shake a little. "I'm—I'm fine!" I manage to choke out.

"Now listen… I—Listen, just stop crying!"

It comes to my attention that I am attracting notice from the other members of the kitchen. I knew this would happen, of course, yet it's still so embarrassing! "That's a fine thing for you to say! I can't just turn my emotions off, Heero Yuy!" I'm beginning to think that's true. I'm not so certain I can stop these tears.

"I—you—Look, I didn't mean anything with the knife!" He even sets it down to prove his point.

I glance at him, sobbing still. "You _hate_ me!" Hiccupping once more, I duck my head in apparent misery.

"I don't hate you!" Heero sighs loudly. From the corner of my eye, I catch the motion of him plunging his hands through his hair, apparently stressed. "Look, I'll even go with you… wherever it is you wanted to go. Okay? Just—for God's sake, stop _crying!_"

I peer at him through the curtain my hair made between us. "Are you… are you sure?" I ask in a small voice.

"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Just stop crying! It's—It's not good for a politician to do this kind of blubbering."

"I'm a woman too, you know!" I retort.

"Relena—"

I dry my face as best I can. I must look like a complete wreck. "I'll… I'll call you later. We'll—" I pause to sniffle again. "We'll set up a time then?"

He sighs, pressing his fingers to his brow. "Fine. Anyway, you shouldn't be back here. Employees only."

"Oh. Sorry…" With that, I leave.

Stevenson falls into step beside me as I exit The Grass Skirt. "Are you all right?"

After a moment, I manage smile. "I'm fine." I sniffle again. My nose is horribly stuffy and my eyes burn with that freshly-cried dryness. "I suppose I should call Duo and let him know of our success." I take a deep, calming breath. "That was difficult, I admit. I'm surprised I convinced him."

"You convinced _me_," Stevenson muses. "I suppose that's what makes you a good politician."

I give him a shaky laugh. "I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that."

He doesn't give me any help with the decision either, remaining silent. I guess it's a little of both.

Pulling my cell phone from my purse, I make my call. "Duo? It worked."

--

"Going somewhere?" Dorothy asks, eyeing my choice in outfit like it's a shriveled bug.

I pause in my mascara application to nod. "Heero and I are going to Magyk."

Her brow practically disappears into her hair. "Dressed like _that?_"

I glance down at the jean skirt and pale blue and navy cotton shirt I chose. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's great for visiting Granny in the hospital, but it's all wrong for clubbing, obviously."

With a roll of my eyes, I shake my head and turn back to the mirror, carefully brushing my hair into place. It's not as if I'm trying to seduce Heero anymore—not that Dorothy would know, of course—and I'm not looking to pick anyone up. It's a gay club after all.

She sighs audibly. "Well, thank you for giving me some time to get ready."

"What?" I didn't give her time to get ready for anything.

"I'm coming, of course. I'm going to be there to repair whatever damage you get yourself into."

"No! Er… no," I repeat when she gives me a strange look. "I… I need to do this on my own. I want to learn how to handle these situations myself, _by_ myself."

Her strange look never wavers, but after several seconds, she nods dismissively. "All right then. Do this by yourself. Just don't come crying to me when it blows up in your face."

I make a face at her. "Your confidence in me is so very reassuring."

She shrugs, smirking. "You just don't know how to handle the opposite sex like I do. You go about it too honestly."

"Oh, stop!"

With a laugh, she lets me finish getting ready in peace.

As the time Heero is to pick me up approaches, I feel myself getting even more nervous than I was the first time we went out, when it was my intent to win him over. Now I'm trying to do the opposite. What if Dorothy is right and this all blows up in my face? Duo and Heero could end up hating each other forever and it would be _all _my fault!

A knock on the door startles me.

"Oh Re_lena__!_ Your _date_ is here!" Dorothy trills.

Feeling the heat rise in my face, I head for the door. "Thank you for that." I skirt around my friend to where a very uncomfortable looking Heero stands, wearing dark jeans and a green t-shirt that fits him so attractively. If I'm honest with myself, I still wish that Dorothy's date comment was truth. Duo will be a very lucky man.

"Let's go, shall we?" I say, closing the door behind me before Dorothy can say anything more. Taking his arm, I guide him down the hall.

"Date?" Heero says crossly as I usher him onto the elevator.

"Don't listen to Dorothy. She's just trying to stir up trouble."

He frowns suddenly, brows knit together in thought. I see him study the door to my room. His gaze remains fixed in place even after the elevator doors close.

I watch him curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"What?" He blinks and shakes his head, but his frown is still present. "No. It's nothing."


	22. Chapter 22

**Replaced**

**Chapter 22:**

So far, the drive to Magyk is a quiet one. I can't vouch for the reason behind Heero's silence, but I know mine is due to nerves. Briefly, he talks on his cell phone, I think. I can hear the sound of the pushbuttons and him talking but I don't pay much attention. In perhaps less than fifteen minutes we shall see whether or not I've ruined two lives for good. If the answer is yes, this evening will likely be one of the worst in my life. I imagine that either Heero or Duo will murder me and I suddenly regret keeping Stevenson away

"…better?"

At the sound of Heero snapping his phone shut, I shake my head clear. "What?"

"Are you feeling better?"

Questioningly, I stare at him.

"This afternoon."

Oh… he's talking about that embarrassing show of tears. "Erm… Yes. Yes, I am. Listen, Heero, I'm sorry about subjecting you to the brunt of my emotions. I—ah, I imagine it was somewhat awkward for you."

He simply shrugs and falls into silence once more. I turn towards the window, watching flickers of multicolored light come and go as we speed past street lamps, animated billboards, and well-lit store fronts. I'm struck again with the thought that this would be a nice place to live. Heero and Duo chose a lovely location to settle down in—out of the city, but not so far away that an evening out would be a hassle to come by.

"…tomorrow?"

I blink, pulling my gaze from the window. Now this is rare. He's the one talking and _I'm_ the one who's not paying attention. It's something I doubt has ever happened to him. "I'm sorry?"

He gives me an irritated glance that proves my theory. "You're leaving tomorrow?"

I nod. "I only had a couple weeks for vacation." Spreading my fingers out before me, I try to maintain a casual air. "It's about time I get back home to resume classes."

"Is your _friend_ leaving as well?" His tone is razor-edged. Wow, he _really_ doesn't like Dorothy.

I shrug. "If you're talking about Dorothy, she sort of came on her own volition. I guess when she leaves is up to her."

He hums.

"Why?"

He doesn't answer because we've swung into the parking lot outside of Magyk. My stomach twists itself into knots, though I try to school my face into a mask of calm. I don't know how well it works, though. Too anxious to wait, I climb out of the car before Heero can come around to open the door. I smile at him as I step up next to him and, together, we head into the club. If it's possible, the silence feels even heavier. Part of me wonders if he suspects what is going on, though he's given me no hint. He just seems to be the sort to know the unexpected ending five minutes into a movie.

The scene the club sets is the same as the first time we'd come, with probably the same faceless patrons. The music is loud and makes my insides rattle around. As we pay and step out onto the dance floor, I'm hit with a cold blast of air that startles a shriek from me and fills the floor with fog to cool it down, I suppose. A hand clasps around my arm in a tight, vise-like grip and I wince.

"Are you okay?" I barely hear Heero bark over the noise.

"I'm fine!" I shout back, even more startled.

He drags me out of the crowd to a nearby table. "I need something to drink. Do you…" I see the expression on his face harden and I glance over my shoulder. Duo is leaning against the bar with a drink in hand. Somehow I manage to catch his gaze. I watch as it skips over to Heero. He straightens abruptly. It's hard to read his expression from this distance.

"What is going on here?" Heero grinds out. He fixes an intense glare on me. "Was this _your_ idea?"

Gathering my wits about me, I square my shoulders and look him straight in the eye. I will not cower as he clearly intends for me to do. "Yes. Yes, I _did._ Now go talk to him."

His glare intensifies. "I will do no such thing!"

"_Yes_, you _will!_" I snap. He stares at me as if in he can't believe someone would talk to him like this. Well… someone must. He's smart, but Duo is right; he's as stubborn as a mule! I thrust my finger in Duo's direction. "This fighting has gotten out of hand. You are going to get over your silly pride! You are going to walk over there and you are going to _talk_ to him!" When he doesn't move, I muster a very shrill "_Move it!_"

He moves it. I manage to maintain my stance until he's about halfway across the floor. Then I wither into the nearest booth, shaking. That was terrifying.

Surprisingly, over the deafening music, the sound of someone clapping draws my attention and I glance left to see Dorothy perched on the next table. "Well played!" she shouts over the noise.

I blink stupidly at her. What in the world is going on? How did she know to come here? I didn't tell her anything. "What are you doing here?"

"What?"

I repeat myself louder.

She comes over next to me. "I'm here to watch the show!" She leans against the table and gestures to Heero and Duo. Both seem to be trying to talk over the other, by the way their hands are moving wildly about. "You didn't think I'd miss this, did you?"

"But… How did you know-"

"Relena, dear, I am the _mistress_ of schemes. You think I can't smell when something is up?" She taps her chin with her darkly painted nails, watching. "Frankly, I'm surprised you orchestrated this without my help."

I ignore the jab. "Well… I figured you'd try to talk me out of it," I admit ruefully. I watch as Duo scrubs his eyes with the heel of his palm and I wonder if he's crying. Part of me wishes I could be there to mediate.

Dorothy echoes my thoughts when she mutters: "I wish we could hear what they're saying. You know, if I was the one who planned this, I would've bugged them."

I sigh tiredly. "I know you would have."

Heero grabs Duo's shoulders and gives him a brief shake.

"Shaken baby syndrome, anyone?"

"Dorothy, that's just tacky."

She gives me a look. "Well of _course _it is."

We fall silent again, watching the drama unfold. It seems they've stopped trying to talk over one another. Duo looks upset, if his body language is anything to go by, what with the plaintive downward thrusting of his hands and drooping shoulders. Heero must say something because he folds looks away. Putting a finger beneath Duo's chin, Heero brings his attention back. My heart jumps into my throat.

"Now I really wish I knew what they were saying," Dorothy says, rifling through her purse. She pulls out a digital camera.

"What are you doing?"

"Capturing the moment, obviously. It's enough to make a girl hot."

After a moment of further discussion, Duo throws himself into Heero's arms and they hold tightly onto one another as if letting go would mean the loss of a life. My heart pounds in my throat now. This is it, the telling moment.

The click of Dorothy's camera ruins the moment and I snap a glare at her. "Stop that!"

"What? It's not like they'd notice anything now."

Another look reveals the two of them in a far more passionate embrace, with Duo pinned against the bar, them making out, lots of almost indecent touching… I turn away hastily, my face burning. I want to smile and cry at the same time. I almost do both, but another click draws my attention instead.

"Give me that!" I snatch the camera from her. "That's a private moment!"

"In the middle of a bustling dance club?" She looks highly amused. "_Right._ It would only get more public if there was a news crew handy. Speaking of which…"

I almost reply but, having taken a moment to flip through her photo album, all I can do is stare. "Oh… oh my… _you?!_"

"Hmm?"

I select an image and turn the screen to her. "_You_ were the one who took the pictures? _You _were the one who submitted them to that magazine?!"

"Oh, those." She grins.

"Don't 'oh, those' me! Heero's going to _kill_ you when he finds out!"

"Oh, he already found out."

I stare at her. "What?"

"He called me before you arrived at the club, I think. Threatened to kill me if I took any more pictures." She looked positively overjoyed at the thought. "Something about plunging his prized carving knife into my chest. I'm surprised you didn't overhear that. He was quite vehement."

"I… I was distracted." I look at the picture again, frowning slightly. "Dorothy… why did you do this? Surely it wasn't to help me win Heero over."

"Not exactly. Ooh, if they're not careful they're going to create a public scandal of their own."

I don't look. I don't want to know what they're doing now. "Dorothy! I thought you were trying to help me!"

"I was!"

"How did this help me?!"

"I was helping you. Just not in a way I wasn't entirely honest about." She pries the camera from my hands and snaps another picture before I can stop her.

"Stop taking pictures of them! That's vulgar," I hiss.

She shrugs.

"Anyway, what do you mean?"

"What?" She tilts her head. "Ah, right. Well, I was testing Soldier Boy's loyalty to his long-haired lover."

I shake my head in confusion, wondering why she would do such a thing.

"Listen." She grabs my shoulders, giving me a shake of her own. "If his love was so easily transferred from Duo to you, he wouldn't be suitable for you."

I stare blankly at her. Who employed her to decide who is suitable for me?

"If he could drop Duo in a second, who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you? You need a man with strong devotion. And I have proved Soldier Boy has strong devotion." She gestures to the spot where they had been. "Oh drat, they've left. I don't suppose you put surveillance cameras in your dear soldier's car."

"Dorothy!"

She shrugs. "It was worth asking. A Gundam pilot sex tape would be worth millions. And so very hot, I imagine."

"_Dorothy!_"

With a smirk, she asks "Do you really expect anything different from me?"

I don't even have to think about it. "No." I study her for a moment and then ask, "You're very concerned about my love life, almost ridiculously so-"

"I do try."

I ignore her. "-but is there anyone for _you_?"

"Hmm, I wonder…" She looks away coyly.

"Dorothy…"

"Well, there is a certain pilot I find terribly attractive. Blond hair. Green eyes. Too nice for his own good—therefore entirely corruptible."

"Quatre Winner?"

"I do believe that's his name."

I stare at her for a moment. That's unexpected. I thought she'd certainly be attracted to someone more volatile than Quatre. She has a deep attraction to danger. "Then… why don't you try to… I don't know, woo him? You had no qualms trying to break up Heero and Duo."

She tilts her head and regards me thoughtfully. "Well it's obviously because I'd never win."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"He's got Circus Boy-"

"His name is Trowa Barton."

She waves her hand dismissively. "Right. That is just what I said." I roll my eyes as she continues. "You see, due to Circus Boy's profession, he's incredibly flexible. And once you get that sort of flexibility with you in bed, there is just no going back to the ordinary lover."

I groan, dropping my head into my palm. I should not have asked. I should _not_ have asked. She simply pats my back.

"So, Relena…"

"What, Dorothy?"

"Just what do you think of your hunky bodyguard?"

_Fin._

_AN: Thank you so much to everyone who's read, reviewed, and stuck with Replaced! I'm so very flattered! I hope you all enjoyed this little venture as much as I have and I hope I've inspired you to look at our favorite (or least favorite) characters in a new light! Again, thank you!_


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